reminiscence

what we could've had

3 missed calls,
i ignored them all,
saw the notification pop,
didn't even try
to call back. 

being with you, 
was killing me,
so slowly didn't even realize,
until i was on my knees,
because i know right after,
you'll leave and take the keys,
but sometimes, these days,
just for a little bit-
even though i don't want to,
i think about how different
it could've been.

now i'm starting to think
missing all those calls 
was so wrong of me.
i know you don't care
but sometimes,
for a moment,
even though i hate it-
i think there was a chance you did. 

you've been going around doing the normal shit
you did with me.
know you found your people,
now find some peace, 
and even though you used me, 
continuously threw me, 
like a crumpled notebook paper,
into the trash,
and never once looked back,
i hate to say this 
but i still wait for your name
 on my phone to come back.

history repeats itself over and over again,
but no i won't let it happen this time again,
because you used me,
and i felt sorry,
when i shouldn't have.
i need to give myself the loving,
i drenched you in,
when i should have given it to myself.

there are still some parts of me
that want you back,
but i'll ignore them,
because its not
going to work out 
for you or me
in the end.
but sometimes,
i swear its just for a second,
 i still think about
what we could've had.