Love Everlasting {Helsa}

pain.

-ELSA

Do you know the kind of pain that makes you feel like you don't exist? The world continues to rotate, the flowers continue to grow, the sun sets and the moon rises, but yet there you are, where you've been for the past four years. It's like your nothing, and the one thing... the one thing that makes you feel like you can catch a breath is gone. Suddenly you begin to feel this is all life has to offer you, pain... cruel endless pain.

"Death is the highest sentence..."

The words ring in my ear. Not because it's a memory, but because the words just left his mouth. Beth is still weeping at her knees, Augustus rushes over to comfort her. I see all this happening but it feels like it's not real, like I'm not real. Is this what's it's like to feel so much pain that you feel nothing at all?

I can see Augustus saying something to me, but I can't hear him. I feel so cold... cold. I've gone outside in the winter with nothing but a nightgown. I've frozen my kingdom and sang an entire ballot in the snow in a dress... I am cold. I am the very definition of cold, but I have never felt it.

"Elsa!"

I snap back, Augustus has Beth in his arms and tears in his eyes.

"Elsa, please, can you help me?!" I want to help him but I can't move. I feel the world closing in on me. The clouds have grown stronger and my fingertips feel as if they are going to crack.

"Elsa..." I look up to see Beth, she motions for Augustus to put her down. She still has tears in her eyes but she walks over to me. She looks me in the eyes and cups my face in her hands. She winces. Must be from my skin, I assume my skin feels like ice.

Pain... I've hurt her. That's when something even more heartbreaking occurs to me, I can't ever get upset without hurting anyone.

My parents would always try and console me after being so upset, only to wince. They would try and hide it to make me feel better, but I'm no fool.

When Anna confronted me at my coronation celebrating, those shark ice spears were mear inches from her chest... when we were children and I struck her.

Now, Hans... the only person who knew who I was, and loved me for it. The boy who would bring the thickest gloves he had so that when I got upset, he could comfort me. The boy... the man I love, is asking to leave this world... leave me.

I can't take it anymore. I push Beth's hands away and run. I run the fastest I think I've ever run in my entire life. I run and run and run. I have no idea where I'm going and I don't care, I just can't be here. I can't be here.

I can feel with each stride I leave an ice patch behind, I need to calm down or they will follow. I stop for a moment and breathe, but when I try to breathe everything comes crashing down again. I feel the weight of my body collapse, almost like a wave. It builds and it builds until finally, it crashes down onto the shore. I used to admire the ocean.

The ocean was my way of an escape, I would sit by the shore for what felt like hours and watch as the waves would continuously collapse within themselves. It felt nice knowing that something so big and powerful would find its ends in all corners of the world.

-HANS

I've always feared death, and it was for one reason and one reason only, that you never know which day will be your last. Your last meal, your last step, your final words, or your last breath. However, I am at an incredible advantage to know these things. Today is my last day, and I know it. I asked for this.

I'm terrified, and even though this is what I requested doesn't mean there isn't apart of me that wants to stay, but for what?

To stay in the dungeon? Be made into a slave? No. No, it's more than that Hans.