Starboy - DarLas -The Outsiders

Chapter 6

I ran as fast as I could away from there. I had messed up. As usual, I had only made everything worse. Soda was right. I was snarky, ruthless, and cold. I kept running. I ran as fast as I could. My legs burned, and I liked it. I needed it. There was too much pain inside for there not to be any on the outside. I'd keep running until the pain was balanced. I would run until things make sense. I didn't know where I was going. My sight was blurred by my tears that ran down my face. I didn't need to see anyway. Just as long as it was away from there. From him. From reality. From truths. From me being unwanted. From the thought that kept pestering me, that maybe I like him, but no matter how hard I try that I know deep down no one could ever love me.

I stated sprinting. Faster and faster. I needed something to distract me. My foot caught on the pavement, and I fell. I landed on my elbows and knees. My knees were saved by the denim of the jeans, but my elbows weren't as lucky. With my elbows now burning as much as my legs, I kept running.

Eventually the burn became so much that I collapsed in the soft grass of the park. I tripped and fell. My face made contact with the dirt and a violent, stabbing pain shot through my wrist. I breathed in the earthy smell. I stared at all of the little insects, happily romping around without a worry in the world. No chaos. No confusion. No anger. No gay crushes or fake friends. I looked at the dirt some more, which slowly started turning red. I sat up. My hand flew to my face, and I felt something warm and wet. I looked at my hand, which was now covered in blood. My nose must've started bleeding when I so gracefully faceplanted.

I looked around at all the people gawking at me. I hated it. I quickly got off my butt and walked off, trying to appear like I was in perfect health. My eyes burned, and my cheeks were still damp from tears, which mixed with the blood gushing from my nose and stained my shirt. Yep. A shining illustration of beauty and grace.

I made it out of the park, also gaining concerned looks as I stumbled on by. I started running again. My legs felt like spaghetti, but I kept running. For about thirty seconds. I was near an alleyway when I reached the point that I could barely stand anymore, and my knees gave in to the exhaustion, as did I. 

I leaned against the rough brick wall of a building. For once, I was still, as was everything else. My heartbeat and my breath were slowly getting louder and louder, me drowning in the sound. Then, I was overtaken by realization. I shouldn't feel like this. I should be fine. I've received worse insults. Why did it hurt so much? I don't know.

Maybe it's because I love Darry. Maybe it's because I hurt Soda. Maybe it's because of my willing to be tough and feel nothing, even though that isn't me.

Maybe it's all of that.

I sat there, still recovering from the sudden surge of emotion. I closed my eyes and willed my mind to go blank, despite the fact that it never does. 

I needed someone to talk to. I could turn to Darry. He gets me. But I couldn't show my face after what I just did. Johnny and Pony couldn't possibly understand. Soda was a big no. Tim and Buck would hate me if I told them the truth.

So I guess I'm on my own.

A few hours later, I found myself aimlessly walking around town. The intense heat radiated down and you could cook an egg on the pavement. The humidity clung to my skin and made it hard to breath. I had cleaned myself up from earlier, but the throbbing in my wrist had only gotten worse. Can't wait for August! 

I still couldn't distract myself from Darry and what had happened that morning. I couldn't stand the feeling of not knowing if he was mad at me or not, and the anxiety was eating at me from the inside out. I didn't have anything else to do, so I decided to see what was going on at The Dingo.

I opened the door and almost sighed at how nice the air conditioning felt. A chill ran up my spine, and goosebumps covered my arms. I walked on in, and looked around. All I got were the same weird looks from earlier. People were staring at me, watching my every move. No one came up to me to talk. I could hear hushed whispers from every side of the room, and people would look at me, but avoid making eye contact. There was an uneasy tension that filled the room like a fog.

I walked over to the back corner and stood there, looking around at everyone. I shifted my gaze to the pool table, and when the guys there saw me looking at them, they quickly looked away and resumed the game of pool. I stood there for a few minutes until I decided the tension was too much. I got up and walked out the door, but I couldn't shake the feeling of everyone's eyes on me. I stepped back out into the brutal heat and squinted, trying to block out the bright sunlight. My eyes adjusted and I decided to walk over to the DX and see what was going on over there. 

As expected, I found the people I was looking for. Steve, Two-Bit, and Soda were in the garage talking. Maybe today was one of Two-Bit's sober days because he looked just as engaged in conversation as the other two. I took a deep breath and approached them.

They all looked at me and went quiet, just like everybody else had. Soda shot me a look, even though he was trying to look resentful you could tell he wasn't mad at me. Steve looked at me with eye filled with pure hatred, and Two-Bit glared at me and lit a cigarette. 

I stood in front of them and crossed my arms. "What's up?"

Steve sneered, "Don't talk to me-"

"Steve," Soda interrupted. Steve rolled his eyes and shut up. Soda looked at me. 

"Are the rumors true?"

"What rumors?" I asked. What was Soda talking about? Unless... no, it couldn't be that.

All three of their expressions were replaced by a concerned shock.

"You really don't know?" Two-Bit approached me, genuinely worried.

"Nah, man." I replied nonchalantly. I stuffed my hands in my jeans pockets.

The trio looked at each other, then at me. Steve cleared his throat and stepped forward.

"Well?" I pondered impatiently.

"People are saying that," Steve hesitated, "That you and Darry are a thing."