Coffee

Part 112: Mental Decapitation

"Iggy, I need your recommendation." I say over the phone.

"With what?"

"Max."

"Max? You found him?"

"Yes, I found him and he's a mess. Why on earth would you put him on 450 mg of Bupropion?! Do you know the mood swings he's having? It's making him worse not better." I state and look outside to my backyard, where Max is sitting on a blanket with Sophie watching the kids play in the grass.

"Helen, I put him on that heavy dose because he tried to kill himself twice and that was after I admitted him into psych briefly.

"Tw...twice??" I look at Max and my heart drops into my stomach and I feel sick to my stomach.

"Yes, after you left, he went down hill fast and hard, Helen. He was doing a lot better about a month ago. I suggested he stay here and continuing to work on himself, but he insisted on moving there. I couldn't do anything. It support him." I just stare at the back of Max's head and when he turns around, I smile and wave slightly. He very slightly picks up his hand and the corners of his mouth slide up ever so slightly and then disappear as he looks back down. "So what kind of things is he experiencing now?"

"He's unable to let things go for one and every so often he goes off on erratic fits. Not to mention very bleak outlook."

"What's he unable to let go?"

"I..." Shit, I can't tell Iggy about last night. He'll take it the wrong way.

"Helen? What happened?"

"Nothing I didn't ask for."

"What does that mean?" Sighing, I know he'll only use his psychological bullshit to get me to tell him what he wants to know. Fucking psychologists.

"So when he told me how horrible I hurt him, I tried hard to get him to understand how sorry I was. We tried to have...and he couldn't..."

"Well sexual arousal shouldn't be affected by that medicine."

"No, it shouldn't. He couldn't cum- trust me, he was there and willing and ready, but he couldn't."

"Hmm, so what happened?"

"I...told him to...to punish me and make me feel as horrible as I did him."

"Helen... what did you...what did he do..."

"I...I kept demanding him do so..."

"Helen..."

"I really...I really got to him." I say and I can hear him pacing.

"Tell me right now what he did." Iggy demands and I can't help but shake a bit.

"He just..."

"Helen!!" I watch Max out the window and feel nervous for some stupid reason

"He was a bit more rough...sexually."

"He raped you?"

"No! It was consenting! He was just rough..."

"Forceful?" I don't answer right away and he becomes irate. "Helen! Was he forceful? Did he hurt you?"

"I asked for it, Ig."

"I didn't ask that!"

"Yes! He was forceful...it hurt! Okay? I understood exactly how it must've hurt- what I did to him." He sighs heavily and I can only imagine what's going through his head. "I'm not mad at him. Or scared of him. I keep telling him he's fine and that what he did was fine...but he's beating himself up and..."