A Guard's life

Jeremy Fitzgerald

A/N:
It's Jeremy time.
The sucker survived longer than he should have.

---

The sun was slowly rising over the horizon.
Naturally Marion had not gotten a moment of sleep. Instead he had watched over his friend, sleeping soundly by his side.
It was still tormenting him, Jeremy's insistence to distract Henry alone.
Even if he thought it was highly unlikely that Henry would randomly murder him-
Then again, killing him would be one way to make sure that Marion would act out irrationally-
But even then, Henry didn't know for a fact what souls were capable of, right? He was surprised when he started floating and-
He almost jumped out of the window when he felt something grabbing his hand, only realizing in the last moment that it was Jeremy, who probably had just woken up.
Quietly the boy sighed, shifting between the pillows, looking up at him.
"Stop being so worried, Charlie."
"Did I wake you up...?"
"Yes!" He whined and shifted again, this time winding his way out of the pillows. "You're thinking so loud I can hear it from here."
"Wh-"
Before he could inquire how that was supposed to be possible, Jerry cut him off with a snicker. "Okay- but really, you don't need to be afraid. We won't go far."
"Can't you stay inside of the restaurant?"
"To let him catch you planning? No."
His words were harsh and unyielding, preventing any further discussion.
Yet, there was so much Marion still had to tell him. So many things-
He was so scared that this would be their last meeting. That death hit, cold and violent, without a warning, without a way to- predict it, prevent it, deal with it-
No, he wasn't good at dealing with loss or preparing for it. Before he had just- not allowed anything that would be an issue if lost into his life. Even the others, the other lost boys, they were interchangeable more or less. Yes, he wanted to save them, he wanted to prevent them from getting hurt, but once they were inside of the robot and knew how to defend themselves, he knew he wouldn't stay long.
Following around Henry from location to location, he had abandoned one after the other, to figure out how to be freed on their own terms, with the help of the guards or... simply scrapped by the company.
Where do souls go without their bodies?
... the Marionette still didn't know.
Never had the time to find out.
Quietly and lost in thought he watched Jeremy doing his morning routine, his cup of hot chocolate, the episode of Fredbear's and Friends and then the pat for his beloved plushies, before leaving out of the door.
Yes, and of course his bracelet.
Dull, not yet activated.
Color code – green.
The streets had gotten quieter and a lot emptier since Jeremy had moved in.
Which wasn't something to worry about in Jeremy's mind, seeing as the area constantly had people moving in and out. Usually people seemed pretty happy about moving away, so that it had become emptier must be a good sign. The people surely were in a better place now.
That it was emptier now helped Marion too, he used to be so tense when they left the place early mornings, when everything was still dark. Seemingly always suspecting an attack. Now it seemed he had taken to simply roll up inside of the backpack.
As always, the walk was a long one, but just the right thing to get Jeremy fully awake! And he still managed to arrive before most.
Mr. Phone Guy and Mike let him in, giving him a short nod, before continuing to talk about which suit they should use and how they should rig it. Marion quickly made his way out of the bag to join in and stress how bad of an idea that was. Of course Henry would know if anything was even slightly wrong with his suit. Though they could probably cause it to go off with a good strong hit. Then he would be unable to move and harm anyone- here he spared a glance for Jeremy- but he would also probably be still very aware. Mikes asked if it was possible that the Real Fredbear- who WOULD be there, of course- could somehow manipulate it to fail without having to touch it.
It was kinda nice to be able to finally listen in to these kinds of conversations, though Jeremy quickly lost focus again, watching the door expectantly.
This was his big day.
And while he didn't have any reason to suspect it would be his last, it was still somewhat nerve-wrecking. Marion's worry was as always slightly infectious, but-
But there was something more.
He wanted to face Henry and talk to him. He... had questions.
It took a while, but finally Henry and Dave entered through the door, seeming deep in a conversation, something Jerry didn't think about before his legs started moving.
"And I swear to god, Dave, I will find a way to bend time and space to my will and then I will find the person who designed the first horse carriage and-"
Instantly he broke off as he saw Jeremy approaching, the boy just now noticing how RUDE it was to interrupt. At least Dave seemed very happy to see him, giving him a little wave.
The impostor Old Sport just raised his eyebrow. "... is there something I can do for you, Jeremy?"
"Y-yes!" His mouth stumbled over the words, as panic spread inside of him- acting rude was out of character, weird, what if he would realize something was up- "I wanted to- u-uhm... ask you to spend time with me t-today!"
No answer, he just tilted his head.
Jeremy was quick to fill the silence. "B-because... you know- you spend time with everyone but me so far! That's- kinda unfair! I want to spend time with you too..."
He put on his best smile and while Henry still didn't seem full convinced, he slowly nodded. "... that is a good point. Then, what would you like to do with me today, Jeremy?"
"I want to take you to church!"
There were TWO completely flabbergasted expressions.
"Excuse ya, ya wanna take- him- where?!"
"Jeremy, are you serious?"
Fully flustered the young employee nodded.
"I- I thought that maybe- you see- I'm just- w-when was the last time you went to church?"
"... that was quite a while ago."
"See? It would probably be nice for you to be in one again! Churches are very nice places. Very pretty and very private outside of sermon, so-"
Slowly Henry rose his hands.
"It is okay. I will come with you if you want to go to church. It makes no difference to me."
"I think being in a church makes a lot of difference." Jeremy calmly, but fully convinced.
Dave just looked between the two, weirded out.
"Alriiiiiiight... guess I won't have ya for myself today either, huh, Sportsy?" A pause. "... come back soon, will ya?"
"I will try." Henry slowly nodded.
For a moment both of them stared at each other, then Henry stepped aside, holding the door open for Jeremy to leave.
After he stepped out, Henry hesitated for another second, looking over into the restaurant, where a pair of glowing white dots stared back.
Kindly he smiled at Charlie.
Now, you behave while on your own, will you?
With that he turned and left, the door closing abruptly behind him.

The walk to the church was quiet.
But the inside of the church was TRULY quiet.
Really, the difference was staggering, even to Henry. Outside it might be devoid of people and perhaps of any nearby birds, but you could still hear the wind, hear your muffled footsteps on the ground, and from the distance, noises were reflected in a peculiar way, so even if it wasn't recognizable anymore, the brain still knew it was there.
Now, inside of here, it was silent in a breathless kind of way.
Nobody was inside.
Everything was made from stone or something similar- of course not the benches and candles, but still, the majority.
Every step had its own loud echo. It bounced of the smooth, cold surfaces and returned, just to be repelled gain, until it finally decided to fade away.
Light shined through the colorful windows, leaving colorful spots on the floor.
Like party confetti.
Slightly irritated Jeremy frowned.
What an inappropriate thought.
Henry seemed stuck on the windows too, looking thoughtfully at them.
Their colors were warm and intense, yet everything inside of this place felt like it was about to freeze over. It wasn't uncomfortable, at least not to Henry who had always preferred the cold over the warmth, as the cold forced you to keep moving- but it was an uncomfortable contrast between the visual and the physical still.
Beautiful, but uncomfortable.
Scenes upon scenes of stories long past, figures holding each other, weeping over each other and raising from the beyond in blindingly bright light.
Depiction of skeletons to the side.
Memento Mori.
A small smile played around Henry's lips.
The warning of the fool.
For the fool.
Shortly he shook his head as his mind had gotten a little for just a second fuzzy.
Instead of dwelling on that, he quickly followed Jeremy who had stepped to the first row of benches, sitting down on one. For a moment he hesitated, but as the younger employee moved to the side, he sat down beside him, with plenty of respectful distance.
For a few moments both of them stayed quiet and looked up at the figure of Jesus hanging on a cross over the altar.
When Henry was younger, always imagined it dropping and killing the priest. It was pretty much the only thing keeping him entertained during long and boring sermons, the few he had been forced to sit through. Nowadays he was a bit more realistic about it and as he looked at the suffering eyes looking down back at him, he was well aware that it was nothing but a dead idol, to join the ranks of the all others before it.
Jeremy leaned back.
"I... always liked looking at Jesus on the cross." He started, laughing a little. "... he looks so gentle. Accepting. I feel like... when we're filled with the most pain, we're capable of our most loving acts."
Henry looked at him from the side, then up again. "I must say, I disagree. There is a difference between acts of love and acts of acceptance. While at our lowest, we accept everything, because we have to. At our highest, we love everything... because we can."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"A god can love everyone, because it has nothing to fear, nothing to want, nothing to envy, nothing to consider, no pressure or frustration. It has it all. It is easier to see sin as forgivable and pitiful when you are above it. It is easier to give out gifts when you have plenty to spare."
"I think people become greedier the more they have. When you have little, you know there's more valuable things than possession, you see things not for their value to you, but to others that you value."
Henry scoffed. "What would power be good for, if not to use it to help others with their imperfections?!"
A small, sad smile played around Jeremy's mouth. "... and you are the one who spots the imperfections, I guess?"
"Objectively, some people know more than others." Freezing up for a moment, "Old Sport" stared at him, then shook his head. "Many different visions meddle together, until everything cancels each other out. How many people can you remember? How many faces can you pinpoint, until they all swim together, becoming a mass of nobodies?"
"I-"
"You cannot care about everyone. That is simply not possible. To care means to see them as people and not as mere chains of actions, no human brain can do it for every creature surrounding them. That is not your fault. But that is why true care needs a rigid, cold and objective structure. A single mind, a single plan. That is the best justice can do."
Slightly frustrated the boy stared forward, against the many pictures decorating the walls.
"And you think you can deliver justice? That you'll find out what's right for everyone?!"
"No. But I can get closer to it than most. Than anyone, frankly. There is no such thing as true perfection, but there is the drive to go as far as possible, to eliminate as many problems in a fair manner and that drive should be followed, even if it leads to mistakes and oversights."
Jeremy finally looked down at his hands. "... don't you ever... just think you should listen to other people and consider them?"
"... I do. But I do not let them distract me. There is useful input and pointless noise. I know to differentiate."
"If there was a way to show you that you were wrong in what you do- would you stop?"
"... there is nothing that-" He broke off, then turned to Jeremy. "... what do you think that I am doing, Jeremy...?"
The boy couldn't move for a second, trying to gather his thoughts-
Henry's dark eyes were agonizing on his skin, seeming so inhumane-
"I- I think- you... you hurt people, O-old Sport. I know you do..."
It seemed to convince Henry, his eyes left Jeremy's face again and wandered into the distance.
"Jeremy. Do you think there can ever be a good reason to hurt someone?"
"No." The first part came without hesitation, but he slowly added more. "... but sometimes... it can't be avoided. Though, people who hurt other people without being pushed to it... I think they are angry. Because something is hurting them, something that is... out of their control. I think you're hurting."
"You truly think I am upset about something?" For a moment he sounded condescending, but then he sighed, sounding a little more earnest. "No, Jeremy. I am not angry. I do the things I do not out of hatred. Sometimes I do get frustrated and it can make people unhappy, but I never hated any of them."
Slightly confused, the young guard looked up at him.
"But... then why-"
"Can I ask YOU a question, Jeremy?"
"Uhm... yes, I think."
"How do you justify hurting your friends?"
Instantly his face changed, turning into an intense exclamation mark. "Wh-what?!"
"Your friend. The Marionette. You hurt him before. You deny him desires. You chastise him for trying to protect you. When he asks you to aid in hurting someone and you refuse... you make his life more difficult. You could argue, it makes him suffer."
"If he wants to hurt someone else though, when it isn't necessary-"
"When WOULD it be necessary, Jeremy? If he needs to hurt people for his peace of mind... who would it be? Them or him? Who would you choose to let suffer?"
It was quiet again, the 'would' still echoing in the back of the giant room.
Both of them had gotten more quiet again, realizing how easy it was to listen in.
Henry just continued.
"You are willing to make people suffer, just so you will not have to dirty your hands. I do not think you are a worse person for it, Jeremy, I can admire your cold, unfeeling, unwavering morality. It is clear and truthful and truly good BECAUSE of that. But it still makes you not suitable to be the one bringing justice, as you could not. Your own morals prevent you from doing it. You can judge, but you never can decide. Think about it. Even if you chose an evil... if you made a choice, you prevented something else. You are good to have around to reflect upon acts, but in the end, you must accept there are things to be DONE, not merely thought about... and even you do harm."
Jeremy tried to process these words, but Henry left him no chance.
"You are good, but you must allow people to act against you. Because people NEED to act. Your role may be to witness, but also, to not obstruct. It is good because we need people like that too."
There was a pause, then the younger guy rubbed his face, finally able to answer.
"... Old Sport... if... if everyone thought you were wrong and begged you to stop... if only you benefitted... if it doing more harm than good... would that stop you?"
"That will not happen-"
"In THEORY."
Now it was Henry's turn to hesitate. "Well... whatever I do for others, I do it with the knowledge that it benefits them. Even if I hurt them today, if I can offer them endless relief tomorrow, it will be worth it. If they would beg me, they would not be thinking long-term and I would factor that in and proceed. I have only the best intentions-"
"I know."
His words were oddly tired, ending up almost sounding like he was about to cry.
"... you know, Old Sport... I... like people. I like the world like it is and I like knowing... you- it's- no matter who you meet, they don't actually are pure evil. You can see the world from their perspective. And even if you can't- there are needs some people have that are unknown to you. With enough patience, you can see what goes on within the worst of the worst and understand and maybe bring forth something better in them, by opening their eyes to new possibilities too. B-but you know- hurt tends to make you angry. Then you hurt others too. It's not easy. I know I can be wrong about things a-and that my acts sometimes- make people sad. I know that acts I think are bad s-sometimes come from a GOOD place or a-at least a place of- fear and pain and- that kind of stuff... that's why I befriend everyone I can. I always knew you did- bad things- but... I'm really glad I got to know you, Old Sport."
It seemed like Henry for once was fully there with Jeremy, his eyes wandering over his face, seemingly looking for something.
It seems like he found it.
With that, Henry took a small breath. "... have you never dreamed of being immortal?"
Jeremy looked into Henry's eyes.
Unmoving.
"No. And I never will. I have faith there's something waiting for all of us. What we need. Sometimes this earth- this life- can't give us that."
Slowly Henry nodded then moved away and stood up, stepping up in front of the altar, looking at the hanging figure towering over them.
"Jeremy, tell me... what do we do with the irredeemable?"
The young guard had stood up as well, though he kept his distance, looking at the back of his companion's head.
"We have to reject them and send them away. But... it's only good to do so with love in your heart. All we can do to the lost is to love them and wish them the best. Sometimes sending them away is the best... for them and you. If you cannot heal together, then you're in the way of each other and it's okay to acknowledge that. It's okay to reject those you can't help, because that will be what keeps them searching, until they find their place. Everyone has a place somewhere."
Henry nodded, not turning around.
Being somewhere else entirely.
"... thank you, Jeremy. I will keep these words in mind. I will try to keep it in my acts too."

Their return was quiet and almost unnoticed.
Only the Marionette almost jumped Jeremy, holding him tight.
"Is everything okay?" He whispered, checking over his fragile human body.
"... it is. But... it is sad."
"What is sad?"
"... being lost and alone is always sad."
"What do you- Henry-?"
Tired he nodded but didn't allow any questions. Instead he pulled the Marionette tighter. "Let's... go home early today."

---

A/N:
FOR ONCE! AN ACTUALLY SHORT CHAPTER.
I can't promise when the next chapter will come out people. I'm trying, but it will be a big one, I have a few things in mind that will happen and will need SPACE. So, rest assured that even if I might not have a chapter ready next month, I'm still working on it!
My nervousness has actually turned into fear, heh. But I'll be happy about having that specific chapter done as well.