A Time To Love | Spencer Reid

Chapter 27-Tragedy

2 more weeks passed by and you felt great. You ate a lot more food and the cravings for chocolate left. Now you wanted a cup of coffee more than anything.

You and Spencer drove to work like usual.

"You know that at 15 weeks, the baby is the size of a navel orange." You smiled at his facts. "They can also sense light and start to develop taste buds."

You were both excited to be new parents.

You all got a case and concluded it's a pair of brothers killing people and cutting them up.

"One of them has to of been in the medical field-" You groan. "..jud-ging by the precision of the cuts..fuck.."

"Are you okay y/n?" Emily stood up.

"Mmm..." You groaned and clutched your stomach. "I'm...fine.." You slumped over and went to reach for the table but missed. You fell and hit the ground.

"Okay she is not fine!" Derek yelled as he shot up from his seat. Hotch called 9-1-1 and Emily and Derek ran to you. Emily tried to shake you when she noticed you were bleeding. Her face fell.

"What's wrong?" Derek asked. Emily couldn't speak. Her face showed no emotion.

"Derek." He furrowed his eyebrows. "She's having a miscarriage." He held his breath and looked back down at your unconscious body.

"Oh princess..." He lightly stroked your hair. "How are we supposed to tell Spencer?"

Spencer was with JJ at the crime scene. He had no idea what was happening.

The medics finally came and they hooked you up to oxygen and wheeled you out on a stretcher. Emily came with you and held your hand the entire ride.

"I'm so sorry honey..." She whispered.

The team followed closely behind the ambulance. Derek called Spencer from the car.

"Hey Morgan!" He was chipper.

"Reid..." Spencer could hear his voice change.

"What's wrong Morgan?" JJ looked over, now interested in the conversation.

"It's uhm- Spenc..." He could barely talk. "It's y/n.. she's had- she's having a miscarriage." His face fell.

"What? What's wrong?" He slowly turned toward JJ.

"She's having a miscarriage..." His eyes fell and his face went blank.

  They sped off to the hospital.

...

  The waiting was the worst.

  The anxiety was like being hooked up to a cattle fence-not enough voltage to kill but sufficient to keep them uncomfortable. Spencer's eyes shifted everywhere. They became glazed with a glassy layer of tears and as he blinked, they dripped from his eyelids and slid down his cheek. He bit his quivering lip in attempt to hide any sound that dare escape his mouth. He moved his head into his hands. The team tried to comfort him the best they could but it was no use.

—————

  One of the surgeons came out.

  "Are you all here for agent y/n?" Spencer shot up.

  "Yes my wife, how is she?"

  "She's uhm.."

...

"She's fine but her baby..."

His face fell.

"I'm so sorry."

He stepped back and Hotch put his hand on his shoulder. He cried and fell into Hotchs embrace. The girls covered their mouths. Emily and JJ knew what you were going through.

"She's awake but she said she doesn't want any visitors." The surgeon told them. Spencer couldn't believe it. He wanted to hold you and cry with you but you couldn't face anyone. He cried harder as Hotch held onto him. JJ and Emily pushed past the surgeon and went to find your room.

When they eventually did they saw you through the window. You were staring blankly to the right, facing away from the window, holding yourself together with just your two hands. You were trying to fight the tears back by biting your lip. They opened the door.

"We know you don't want any visitors but you can't do this alone."

You didn't even look at them. They sat at either side of you and you cried when they did. You couldn't hold back anymore.

"Did I do something wrong? Was it my fault? Am I not supposed to be a mother?" They both stood up and hugged you tightly.

"You did nothing wrong. This wasn't your fault." They reassured. It sure as hell felt like it. You were the one carrying after all.

You held onto their arms as you sobbed endlessly. You cried loudly. It was the ugly cry one would have after receiving awful news. You couldn't choose between breathing or continuing to cry. They held you close and soothed you as they stood in silence. After awhile they broke the silence.

"Y/n..." You knew what they were going to suggest. They were right however and you knew you were going to have to face Spencer eventually. You couldn't dodge him forever. You couldn't grieve alone. It was hard on you both. Being robbed of your child before they were even born.

Emily texted Derek and he brought Spencer in. Dereks shirt was wet, most likely from Spencer's crying. He slowly walked over and hugged you tightly. Emily and JJ followed Derek and left the room.

"I'm so sorry Spence..." He pulled away.

"What? It's not your fault y/n. You have nothing to apologize for." His eyes were also puffy and red.

He pulled you into another hug, this one was longer. You sobbed into his chest unceasingly, hands clutching at his vest. He held onto you in silence, rocking you slowly as your tears soaked his chest. Your howls of misery worsened as you heard him begin to cry. The pain came in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths. Your noisy sobs echoed throughout the quiet room. You sniffled before speaking.

"It was going to be a girl. We would've had a little girl."

He pulled back to look at you. His hazel eyes met yours. He remembered before your first appointment, you predicted a girl, he thought it was a boy. What did he know? You were right.

He let out what seemed to be a small laugh but it ended up turning into crying. You pulled his head into your shoulder and played with his curls.

He joined you in the bed as you held each other. He laid on his side and wrapped one arm around your neck and his head rested on yours, angled downwards to look at you. His slow breath hit your hair and you moved your arms to hold him in place. You two couldn't cry anymore so you lay in silence. His hand cupped your cheek and he slowly moved his thumb in circles as a way to comfort you. You held his hand and he stopped. You looked at him again and thought back.

You remembered telling him when you first found out. How excited he was and his face when he saw the test. Him humming softly to your bump, him holding you close whenever you had cramps in the earlier stages, him reading to you and your bump at night. The time he caught you dancing and singing in the apartment. Both of you trying to learn as much as you could about babies and being parents. You were both so excited to be new parents.

However, you lost your child. You felt like you couldn't breathe. It was just stripped, taken away from you, in the snap of a finger. You felt that that's how your life went. You had a terrible childhood and maybe you didn't deserve to have a child as an adult.

Maybe it was your destiny or whatever.

You didn't even remember passing out at work. You remember clutching your stomach and vividly grabbing for something. A table maybe? And that was it.

You closed your eyes and fell asleep.