The Dancing Tale

Chapter 22(part - 2)

"...... To be a dream. But I didn't realize that in my this mission I am hurting the 2 of the most important people of my life. They lost their daughter and in a way they lost their son for a while too. I bailed on them when they needed me the most. I wasn't strong enough to smile for them. I left them alone when it was my duty to stay, with them and try to assuage the pain for them. But what did I do, I hurt them. I made it all worst for them." He said in a broken voice. He was lost.

"shh... Shhh... There is no good in blaming ourselves rudra." I turned his head to me so he can see that there is no judgment in me for him, that I am here for him. “It's the normal way how we are designed to reciprocate to the things that are painful. ”

His eyes were red because of tears which were sliding out. “It's not your fault. You did what you thought was best at that time. Life becomes unbearable when you feel broken beyond repairing, trust me. And if you are afraid that uncle and aunty blame you then don't. It's clear as day that they love you. They must have loved rudrani too but they will never blame you for distancing yourself after when she was gone. We all need time to recover from the hurt, to heal before we go back to our normal routine without the major person who was the big part of it. They are very understanding and as you said they are saint. They love you too much to hate you. So please stop with this self llathing because they don't want you to be like that.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. "But I failed. I failed in getting my self in place. I failed at healing. Just the mention of her name makes my heart churn. It feels like yesterday she was there, teasing me and laughing with us.. An.. and suddenly she is gone. There is no trace of her, not any smile, no one to annoy me to make cookies, no one to keep my confidence in check. With her I lost myself too and now I am empty from inside. I ran away from the pain and tried to shut it out but it is still there and I am lost in this darkness without any light......and it feels even more hard to survive when I need to be my regular self in front of my mom and dad..... They... I.... I can't leave them now when I can definitely see how they become more happy when I decided to come back here. I need them to be happy to at least give my heart a little peace. "

Sometimes whom we think as the devil are the victim of the pain and hurt which changed them and made them stoic.

" I am way too familiar with your situation. " I smiled lightly. “I have been to that place for many years rooh and by my experience I can tell you that running away never helps. It only delays what is meant to be felt.”

He looked at me intently and I wiped the lone tear that fell from his eyes. I am surprised by his will that does not let him break down in sobs. But that's what making it even worse for him. I don't like crying either but you need to let your tears out sometimes for the pain to assuage.

"I don't know what to do. I don't even know if this darkness that's pulling me will ever go away or not." He muttered. "But I don't want it to consume me. I can only pretend to a limit and I am certain once it has been crossed my parents will be more hurt because they made peace with it but I am still as sour about it as before and they will feel that they failed in the parenting which is not the case. The person who failed is me and I don't want to be the reason of hurt for them."

I looked at him thoughtfully before deciding what to tell him. " Rooh. Can I ask you a question. Have you ever cried after rudrani's funeral. "

He looked down and shook his head in no. “I didn't let the tears flow because that means acknowledging the hurt and the pain. I wasn't ready. I was a coward to let them go because I was afraid after that I will become a broken mess and will never recover. But seems like my second idea also failed. I didn't even visit her room after that. I didn't  have the strength to go and look at all the reliquary that mom and dad kept. There is this letter that she had written for me when we got to know that she only have few days left. I haven't read it till now. I know it's unfair to her but I don't know how I will read that letter without wishing to be with her wherever she is now. I will fell in that chasm and may never come back.”