J9 One Shot

The Past Of Us

Joong

I looked at the diary entry dated 3 years ago. Most of his writings, were about his unsaid feelings of our relationship. So, what I had assumed, was not wrong, but because we both denied it upfront, all we ever be were friends.

Yesterday, I was standing in front of his house, ringing the bell for the the third time. Maybe I came at a bad time, nobody was home. I didn't have his number, the one once saved, was no more in service. As soon as I went to study abroad under film study scholarship, it seemed he decided that we should not be anything, not even friend to one another. He changed everything, even though I messaged him through his social media, I was ignored, not more important than his other fans it seemed.

When I almost gave up and turned away, the front door was opened, but the faces that greeted me was not familiar. After a bit of talk, I came to the knowledge, that they were the new owner about a year ago. The daughter that knew who I was, since she was a fan of us, suddenly asked me to wait and ran into the house and came back out to give a notebook. She said, she respected Nine's privacy, so she didn't read anything inside, and waited if Nine would come back to take it if he realized it was lost, but after a year of no show, the daughter almost throw it away until suddenly I appeared at their front gate.

The entries that I read just now, made me realized, that he kept so much from my eyes, and I was not sensitive enough to read between the lines. He usually showed a harsh front, sometimes it caused us to be in a bitter fight, but then we reconciled and everything would be back to peace again. He was actually fighting his feelings towards me, and I in the other hand misread it as if I was the only one with feeling, yet the other side unwilling to take them. Youth, it was because of our youth, we only saw one side of things, when actually both hid the actual truth.

Maybe I should go to his new management company. Would they willing to disclose his whereabout? Usually it was well kept, of course for the safety of the artists from crazy fan. But, I was once a friend of him, then would there be a leeway of sort. If Nine forbid the management to do so, then I was again lost of what else to do.

I decided to just try my luck. With determination, I walked into his management's office. The staff there recognized who I was immediately, well, before, we would be mentioned one with the other, so it was not such a surprise. His manager, one whom I was unfamiliar with came to see me, and without I even needed to say a word, he understood that I was looking for Nine.

"I'm sorry, Joong. But it was the condition he put us to agree, no mention of work if it relates to you, and no information shall be given without his consent. We didn't ask further what went wrong between you guys, well no personal life was of our concern, but we respected the artist's conditional agreement as long as it was not too over the board. Except from that, everything else is no issue with Nine".

I was stunted. To what extent I was rejected from his life, that even professional connection was out of the question. I couldn't help to suddenly feel hurt and down. Then, it was of no use to further search or reached out to him. Since he had decided to let me be of the past, then it's for me to move on too.

3 years ago

Nine

Joong got it. The scholarship that we both went for the interview, he got it, meant my dream had been pushed out of the line once again. Why is it so hard for me to earn everything? I am glad for all the achievement that Joong had gotten, but sometimes, I felt almost out of energy whenever I failed to get things that I aimed for.

This industry was harsh, difficult and cutthroat. I knew that, definitely, but I had started since young, on and off, it was more than 10 years, yet still, I was struggling to find my footing. Some got fame in a minute, and I, it was almost half of my life of struggles. Though I got my degree as a back up, yet my passion was in this harsh world of entertainment. Dreams were big, but realistically, that dreams were shared by hundred others. Once you were older, the chance of finding a footing, were tougher, young blood kept appearing day by day.