J9 One Shot

Goodbye, So Long

Based on the MV Long Trip by Ton Thanasit starring J9, with my own interpretation.

Nine

"Joong, free? Care for a random trip?", I asked the person at the other end of the line, someone that I kept searching for, whenever something broke me down, and this was one of that time.

I parked at the side of the road, waiting for him while thinking of the suddenness of my breakup. Nia, my girl of 3 years, asked to meet this morning. I was so happy, thinking that she was finally forgiving me for being too emotional on our recent fight, of her going to study abroad.

Not that I was not supportive of her, but I was too upset when she asked for us to take a break on our relationship. Why should it be that way? Long distant relationship nowadays, was not as difficult as before, the world is getting smaller with all the technology there existed. But, I was so wrong, my happiness turned bitter with just her determined word, "Let's end this, Nai. Let's give each other freedom to move on, or else we will be stucked at nowhere. The States; it's too far, not liked we could meet that much in four years. I know I sounded selfish, but this chance is too precious for me to let go".

"What about me, Nia? How could you let me go instead?"

"You still have, Joong. I won't be between both of you anymore".

"What are you talking about? This baseless doubt you have on us since before... didn't he even clarify the matter already", I said, almost in distress. Everyone kept mistaking the state of me and Joong, that I'd come to a point of just letting them think whatever they wanted. But, I was speechless to realize that even someone that I was with, still had the same doubt too. Nia just stood, gave me her last hug and walked away.

My thought was disturbed with the arrival of the awaited person, dress in pink, which didn't even let his masculinity reduced a bit. I tried to smile and talk casually along the ride, but at times, the burden I felt caused me to be deep in thought again. Joong didn't pressure, just opening his side of the window, touching the wind and light rain with his hand, giving me space to wallow in my grief. I know what I did right now was bad, putting Joong in an emotional ride; of being loud, until my energy to pretend had lasted, I was back to being quiet. But, I just needed him by my side, it gave me a sense of comfort, always.

Joong

I received a call again. He rarely called anymore, unless when there's something messing with his mind. The closeness blinded me, made me felt thing that he didn't mean at all. But, since the day that I was sitting in front of his girl, trying to calm her heart that was in doubt, when my own felt liked being cut into pieces, I understood my place, had resolved to just being his parachute, to bring him back to safety everytime he fell liked falling. It's alright, as long as I saw that smile on Nine's face, it didn't matter how much I bleed.

As I entered the car, I could tell within a glance, that something was not right. His smile was forced, he started off talkative and loud, I let him be, entertained his need, till his energy ran out and he retreated to his actual feeling, and silence filled the space. Outside, the rain was falling in tiny drops. I chose to give him the time that he needed, and played with the cooling raindrops. It also gave me time to prepare myself to listen to whatever causing him to fall liked this.

We arrived somewhere beautiful, secluded, somewhere that was also nowhere, just a long stone wall that had already stained black with moss and corroded by the weather. The wind that blew after the light rain felt cooling. I walked ahead to sit on the wall, but a sudden hook on my neck and shoulder caused me to slouch down a bit to match his height, ah, he was back to being his playful self again, how long would it last, this time around?.

I whined to him that my neck hurt to be hooked liked that, and Nine just pouted in sorry, while I pushed myself up onto the low wall. Ah, I could see, that behind the wall, there's kind of lake, man made, maybe a previously abandoned quary, that caused it to be too deep and dangerous if tresspassed without the security of the wall. Nine just leaned his back on the wall, that was maybe because it was too high for him to push up onto.

"Joong, we should do this more often. It felt liberating to just drive without aim right? Liked now, we stopped just because this place seemed interesting..."

"You'll feel tired, I'm still not skillfull enough to drive aimlessly, so it will have to be you, all the time".

"It doesn't matter, as long as I have you at my side, we could do anything, go anywhere...". I was silent. Nine's word, he meant it as it is, but been having an unending crush as I was, I felt another bleeding again. I looked at him forlornly, imagining of being able to hold his hand, going anywhere, doing anything. Unconsciously, I moved my hand close to his, and with just a little touch of skin to skin, made me feel the shock that caused me to break my move. Nine looked up, a question was in his eyes. Did he feel it too? Ah, how I wish I didn't ask myself that too soon, because as soon too, he pulled away and walked away from the wall. I realized, I had somehow made him felt uncomfortable. I sighed. I should just stay at my designated place, as his parachute, and not be the one who pushed him down more. I jumped down from the wall and we walked side by side, along the long stretch of the wall, talking randomly again, the stroke of that heated moment was forgotten.

By the time Nine parked again at the side of the road that led to my house, it was already dark. Before I could open the door, Nine finally spoke thing that he delayed in saying the whole day...

"Nia and I, we had ended. I was dumped, Joong. But, I won't cry. She put me lower than her ambition. I thought we were strong together, but it seemed I was blindsided..." Nine said and then turned to look at me, "if I am also put lower than anything else to you, you could tell me earlier, Joong. So, I won't have to feel worthless for the second time".

"No, Nine. You're never lower than anything else of mine, aside from my family...", this was a do or die mission, my heart was thumping hard, "and, actually...I didn't know how to convey your place, to me, but, maybe only with this... ", with that said, gathering my momentary bravery, I bent down to kiss him, but...Nine inhaled in shock, and turned his face away. He gulped and breathed rapidly, but didn't say anything. I closed my prickly eyes briefly, slowly, pulling back, took a heavy breath and looked down at my finger, one that touched his, back there. 

"Forgive me. I shouldn't do that, I forgot myself. Really, I'm sorry...", I didn't wait to see his face, didn't wait for him to stop me from going out, maybe he just wouldn't.

The night was dark, but I could see clearly, the answer to my own question...the intense feeling, it was just...me.

It was time, that I ceased to have any one sided expectation...to let my heart to stop bleeding too, and finally, healed.

The End