a friend from college-jemily

i won't give up

Finals were a few days away. They'd start the third Wednesday of November and last until the following Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. JJ was nervous, but the soccer season had ended a few weeks ago so she had a bit more free time to study and finish her end of semester projects. Emily was not nervous at all. Exams didn't really phase her, and she was just looking forward to a nice, long, relaxing winter break. She found JJ's studiousness endearing, though. They'd go to the library together and JJ was have her face shoved in to her textbooks. Emily would study JJ as the blonde whispered the textbook content under her breath. She loved how JJ ruffled her brow when she was focusing. JJ loved having a study buddy, though she was a little bit jealous at how naturally Emily's class material came to her.

On the weekend before Finals began, JJ had a long, frustrating phone call with her mother back in Pennsylvania. They had talked a few times throughout the semester, but this time, JJ told her mom about how holiday plans with Emily.

"Mom, I, I've been seeing someone for a little while now. Her mom is a US Ambassador and she is spending Christmas in Paris. She asked me to come with her and I want to go. You know how I've always dreamed of visiting Paris." JJ gulped as she waited for her mother to respond. After she hung up the phone, she could feel herself on the verge of tears.

A few minutes later, Anna walked in to the living room and joined JJ who was sitting on the couch.
"You ready for finals?" Anna asked.
JJ nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."
Anna noticed the sad tone in JJ's usually chipper voice.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Oh, it's nothing," JJ said as a year ran down her face. But with that her cover was completely blown. Anna came over and sat down next to JJ and rubbed her leg to console her friend.
"JJ, did something happen?"
"I, uh, just got off the phone with my mom. I told her about Emily," JJ said.
"I take it she didn't know that you...you know," Anna trailed off.
"Yeah, where I'm from people don't take too well to girls who like other girls," JJ said. "But it's my mom, she's supposed to..." More tears began to fall and JJ couldn't speak without losing it.
"Oh, JJ. I'm so sorry. I love you so much," Anna hugged JJ, which helped JJ calm down a little bit.
"She told me if I go to Paris with Emily that I wasn't her daughter anymore and that if I wanted to come home for Thanksgiving I had to break up with Emily." Saying that part out loud dug deep in to JJ's heart. Her relationship with her mom was always a tumultuous one, but hearing her say such hateful things broke JJ.
"Oh my gosh, that is awful," Anna said as she held JJ's hand and wiped away for friend's tears.
"I don't know what to do," JJ admitted. She wasn't sure if she was ready to let go of her family, but she never thought her family would give her such a hurtful ultimatum.
"I think you need to talk to Emily," Anna said.

And so JJ did.

As she walked to Emily's dorm, JJ ran different scenarios through her head, imagining how Emily might react and trying to decide what she was going to say. She knocked on the door, and when JJ saw Emily's face light up as she opened the door, she immediately burst into tears.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, JJ," Emily said as she softly wrapped her arms around her distraught. "Come here. Come in my room."

JJ and Emily laid down on Emily's bed, JJ snuggled inside Emily's big spoon as Emily stroked JJ's hair like she always did. That helped JJ gather herself, to be able to tell Emily what was on her mind.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Emily whispered.
"Emily, I don't think we can be together," JJ finally blurted out. Emily stopped cuddling JJ and sat up. JJ did the same so they could look for one another in the eyes. JJ was clearly upset and Emily was clearly confused. The two short months they had spent together had felt like a lifetime of joy and fulfillment.
"I spoke with my mom today. I told her about you. Long story short, when I go home for Thanksgiving I'm pretty sure she's never gonna let me leave Pennsylvania since my "Ivy education turned me in to a lesbian and also probably a communist". Her words. Not mine," JJ ranted  quickly to avoid crying again. Emily scoffed a little at the last part, but she understood what it was like not to be accepted for who you are. For that hatefulness to come from your own mother, the one person you rely on for unconditional love, she knew why JJ felt so conflicted.
"JJ, I'm so sorry," Emily said, rubbing JJ's shoulder.
"I just don't know what to do," JJ said, putting her head in her hands. "That's why I just think it's for the best...before we..."
"Before we what?" Emily asked.
JJ hesitated to say what she wanted to say.

Before we fall in love.

She could already feel herself falling for Emily more each day. Really, she was in love with Emily, but since she hadn't said it out loud yet, pretending she wasn't might be easier, she thought.

"Before we go on winter break," JJ shrugged. Winter break. Paris. Christmas with the Prentiss's. All of those things that JJ had been looking forward to get her through finals week. All of that crashing down with one phone call. Her entire relationship with Emily crashing down with one, homophobic, close minded, hateful mother. Still, JJ wasn't ready to say goodbye to her mom.

"JJ, your family are the people who love you unconditionally," Emily said. "I know this is awful, but you deserve to be surrounded by people who support you, love you, and cherish you no matter what."

"Thank you," JJ sniffed. "I just-she's my mom."  JJ knew it wasn't rational. But defying her mom also meant accepting the type of person she was. And that was a hard pill to swallow.

"Please, JJ. Don't give up on us," Emily pleaded. "I know this is difficult. And I am so sorry your mom doesn't accept our relationship."

JJ started crying again and Emily comforted her. She knew what she had to do.

"I won't give up, Emily. I have another phone call to make," JJ said. "Can I stay here and call her?"

Emily smiled and grabbed JJ's hand. "Of course, you can!" JJ looked in to the raven haired goddess of a girlfriend's dark, glistening eyes. She dialed her mom's phone number again, but before hitting the talk button, she squeezed Emily's hand. She realized there was one more thing she needed to do before making the call.

"Emily, I love you."