ASH CHURCH / Season 1

The package is in the open

Church, Ash, Tucker, and Caboose are standing on top of Blue Base and Ash is currently looking through his sniper.

Church: Let me get this straight.. You gave this guy our flag?

Caboose: Is that bad?

Church: Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole goddamn base?

Ash: Lay off him Church.

Tucker: There, there he is.

Church: (looking through the sniper rifle) Where? Oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs.

Tucker: He must be one smart son of a bitch.

Cut to Donut looking around the canyon.

Donut: Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base?

Cut to Church, Ash, Tucker, and Caboose.

Church: Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's red.

Tucker: Oh man, that means it's their Sergeant.

Church: Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defenses.

Caboose: Uh, you know.. he came in the back door where you guys were standing.

Tucker: Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then.

Ash: You get first pickings Church!

Church: Roger that. Okay, say goodnight, Sarge.

Cut to Donut as Church shoots four times but misses.

Donut: (crouching) Son of a bitch!

Cut to Church and Tucker.

Church: Aw crap.

Tucker: ...

Church: (turns to Tucker) ...What?

Tucker: You're REALLY not very good with that thing, are you?

Ash then fires a shot from his Sniper Rifle which leaves a small burnt crater.

Ash: Take that!

Cut to Donut.

Donut: (shouting at Blue Base while waving the flag) Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!? (Sees Ash's shot and ducks as the explosion hit) YIKES! SON OF A BITCH!

Cut to Tucker.

Tucker: Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarrassing- (Sees Ash's shot hit) Ohohoho! Nice one dude!

They give each other a high-five.

Church: Alright, nice shot man. Now, let's get our flag back. Rookie, you stay here. Me, Ash, and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass.

Caboose: Right!

Church: Tucker, Ash, you ready? Let's go.

Ash: Roger that.

Tucker: There is no way I'm going through that thing.

Church: Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?

Tucker: I don't know, why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?

Ash: Except for me.

Tucker: All right let me rephrase that: Why would they give us a tank that only ONE person can drive?

Church: We already tested the teleporter, remember?

Ash: You threw rocks through it!

Church: Yeah, and, so what? The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?

Tucker: Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff.

Church: Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff.

Tucker: Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff.

Caboose: So... you're afraid of ash?

Tucker: What? I'm not afraid of him. (Looks at Ash) Well... not all the time...

Church: Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you. (raising his gun at Tucker)

Tucker: Uh... Ash? A little help ple-

He stops when he sees Ash raising his Assault Rifle at him.

Tucker: ...You wouldn't...

Church: You know, I look at it this way: Either A, we go through there and get the flag back, or B, we stay here and we get to kill you. Either way, I win.

Ash: And this is payback for taking my sniper.

Tucker: For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people.

Church: Duly noted. Now get in there.

Tucker: Crap... Alright. One, two...

Tucker runs through and doesn't appear on the other side.

Caboose: ...Huh, he didn't come out the other side...

Ash: Yeeaahhh...

Church: I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter.

Ash: I'm with you man.

Church and Ash run off the base to chase Donut.

Church: Okay, rookie, you stay here! I'll be back with the flag!

Cut to Simmons and Grif.

Simmons: I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots.

Grif: (sighs) I'm telling you, it was four shots and an explosion. Like bam, bam, bam and then-

Simmons: Wait a second, that's only three bams.

Grif: ...Bam. Then I heard a boom like five seconds seconds later. (sees Church through a sniper rifle) Wait a second, we've got a Blue guy on the move out there.

Simmons: Where's he headed?

Grif: (looks to the left) Oh crap. It... It's Donut. And he's got something... (zooms in) It looks like... (sees that it's the Blue's flag)...Simmons, get the Warthog.

Simmons: Heh, you mean the Puma?

Grif: Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war.