After the Drift

Chapter Twenty-Five: Fall Out

The next month passed in a blur.

I kept expecting to have her come through the door with her hand on her hip and a snotty remark.

It never came.

Chuck had tried to get to me as soon as he got in, I couldn't see him. Thinking about him being closer to her when she died than I was made me cry harder.

My mind constantly whirled from feelings of not trying hard enough to be a good sister to hating her for leaving me. Most of the time I felt nauseous from the whiplash of my emotions.

Chuck tried every day to see me. I just stayed out in my suite. All alone. Mom would bring me food a couple times a day, she tried talking but never got much from my end. I just couldn't.

I know they talk about survivor's guilt, but did it count if we're were hundreds of miles away? Estranged? I felt like I was left and at the same time I felt like I failed her. It should have been me.

I heard a faint knock at my door and figured it was my mother again. I had dared to turn on a light for once. I looked up and saw a small frame in the doorway.

The little red head smiled at me. Emmie.

"Been awhile, Ruby." She softly padded in and sat at the foot of my bed. I had half a thought about how dirty my room probably was but ended up not caring.
I nodded slowly, looking down at my hands, the nails that needed cutting.

When we were little Lucie would paint my nails for me weekly. She said she wanted to be a professional nail person and needed all the practice she could get. Being the silly little sister enamored by her older sister, I always let her do them.

Now they looked ragged and dirty. I wondered if they'd always look like that.

Emmie sighed. "I know this was a shock, one that no one can prepare for... but we need you to come back to us... they brought back Sovereign. You're the only one who really knows everything about her. Inside and-"

"No." I said firmly.

She looked up at me. "We still need her. There's still more coming, Ruby. I know it's a lot to ask. I know it's more than anyone should be asked. But please..."

She reached out for my hand, slowly wrapping her chilly hand around my warm one.

Tears had started dripping down my chin.

It wasn't fair. The world had taken something huge from me. Why should I give anything back to it? Why shouldn't I just let the world rot?

I started spiraling and hating everything.

"No, Emmie." I said while looking down.

She set her jaw and nodded. "Okay." She squeezed my hand once more and turned to leave.

"Don't forget you had more than just your sister. No one can take her place but there are people who love you so much outside this door. Me among them." With that she left.

I laid back down and began crying.

——————

Two weeks later

I finally had had enough of myself. The dark thoughts were constantly on the fringe of my conscious thought, but I had to leave this room.

I attempted a shower which felt more surreal than anything.

I got dressed as I had always done. I pretended to be okay. I had to. I think part of me wanted to be and the other just wanted to give in to the void.