After the Drift

Chapter Thirty-Five: Coping and Leaving

I stared at the wall for what felt like a few minutes but might have been days.

Mira stirred.

It was going to be time for her to eat soon.

Mom had pumped as much as possible and had some breast milk to spare. At least for a little while.

People kept checking in on me. Offering support, kind words, even a pile of formula had started in the corner.

Chuck had held me for hours as I sobbed.

I was alone.

With a newborn.

How was I goin to do this as the world was ending?

I heard a knock on the door, I just looked at it like it wasn't there.

"Ruby? Please open the door."

It was Pentecost.

My heart felt even heavier.

I stood slowly and activated the door. He stood there in his normal blues.

Tears started forming as soon as I saw him.

I flung myself forward and into his arms.

He held me, rubbing my back in slow circles.

He was the closest thing I had to family now.

"I know this is not easy, Ruby. And I have something I want you to think about. For Mira's sake."

I pulled away and wiped my eyes. The feeling in my stomach was hard to ignore. He was going to tell me to give up Mira. I knew it.

"I have made arrangements should you take up the offer...for both you and Mira to go to England together. You'll both be housed and well taken after. I am by no means trying to replace anyone...I just feel as if this isn't the place for an infant and her sister who is barely an adult herself."

I stood gaping at him.

"Please think about it. I have a chopper leaving to the main land in two days. Give me your answer then."

He squeezed my shoulder and gave me a long look, nodding.

"You will be okay, Ruby. You've always been strong. I am sorry that now you must be strong for your whole family. I will speak to you soon."

He cast a glance at Mira in her bassinet.

"You'll be okay as well, Mira. Your sister will see it so."

He left soon after that, leaving me completely shocked.

I had expected Mira to be taken. She was a tiny baby in the middle of a war zone. She deserved to be somewhere safe.

But me going too? Could I do that? Could I leave Chuck? Carlos? Emmy? The few people I still had left?

My stomach nearly dropped out, I quickly ran to the toilet and lost anything I had eaten in the last few days.

What do I do?

——————

Chuck visited the next day. He had found someone to get a flower when they were on the main land.

He handed me a lovely pink flower.

I smiled and hugged him tightly.

"That's the first smile I've seen in ages, love." He replied as he placed his head on top of mine and breathed in deeply.

"Pentecost offered me to leave, Chuck." I abruptly spoke.

I felt him still.

"What do you mean leave?" He pushed back so there was space between us. His face immediately looking hard.

"He said he'd get Mira and I to England, somewhere safe for the time being. Away from here." I looked to the floor.

God this was hard.

He swallowed hard. His hands still on either of my shoulders, clenched.

"I think you should go...Maybe you could take Max. Give him a better life than this one..."

I looked up, startled. "You think I should leave?"

"My heart doesn't want you to, love. But my head knows it's no good for you here. You've barely got any good memories here."

"You're a good memory! Miras a good memory! The last time I saw...all of them... was here. I don't want to leave anyone..."

He sighed and swallowed again. "I don't think it's a good thing for you to be here, Ruby. As much as it's breakin' my heart to say this, and don't think for a second this means I don't love you, because I do, god I do, but you need to do the right thing for your sister."

Tears started spilling from my eyes. I felt like I could barely breath.

"But, I...I ... how could I...how could I leave you, Chuck? How could I leave the only thing in the world that's so damn precious to me? How?"

I heard him cough, trying to catch a sob in his throat. "Darl, you need to go. I will never not love you. You are everything to me. Everything..."

He gently caressed my hair, with the saddest smile I'd ever seen in my life, he kissed me.

It was hard and desperate. Like he was trying so hard to tell me everything he didn't have the words for.

I love you.

You have to leave.

Please stay.

Don't leave me.

I love you.

I started sobbing as he kissed me harder.

This was a kiss goodbye.

"I love you, Ruby Blackwell. I'll find you whenever this is over. I promise. Well get married and have our own babies." He ended in another sob.

"I love you, I'll always love you, darl'."

He hugged me one last time and before I could say anything back to him he fled the room.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think.

How could this have happened?

My heart now lived outside my body.

And it was currently walking away from me.

Maybe forever.