One last chance

chapter 9

[Mbalenhle]
The pain was getting worse by the minute, i tossed,turned and tried finding a comfortable position to sleep in but nothing , i woke up taking deep breaths , i hugged my my bump tightly like i could take away the pain ,i bitten my lower lip standing up ,not only had i have lot on my mind but i was worried , immediately when i pushed the blankets off me i was petrified seeing the much blood that was on the sheets.

"Ma" i shouted my fear intensified,i feared for my child,i fear losing her when she was the only thing making sense in my life at the moment.

"Ma" i shouted yet again louder this time, only then did i realise the much pain i was in,its true when they say you don't feel the pain until you realise the wound,my door swang open and Ma walked in yawning and rubbing her eyes.

"Yini Enhle wasivusa e..." she trailed off seeing my bedding,in a minute she was close to me inspecting me, by now tears were clouding my vision i was only 28 weeks pregnant it was too early ,dear God please save my daughter please, i found myself pleading ,praying , Ma ran out of the room leaving me in my thoughts, i held my bump.

"Please protect my child, i can't lose her too not now atleast"i said trying to calm myself, i had taught myself techniques when the time comes but now ,now no matter how i tried to use them i was still panicking, 2 minutes passed ,5 passed and yet ma wasn't back , minutes felt like hours,i stood up balancing myself with the night stand it was a bad idea but i had to try ,i bend forward holding my bump as i tried nullifying the pain with my hands , the night dress was covered in blood , Ma returned after 10 minutes with Bra Soli ,he was the only person we knew who had car in the neighborhood,ofcause we too had it my father's car was still in the Garage and ma had no intentions of letting it go but she didn't know how to drive. Bra soli helped me to the car while ma grabbed my nappy bag am glad she had forced me to pack everything today after Sasa left. The drive to the hospital felt like ages yet it was only 45 minutes drive.
.....
Daddy was gone and advantages of medical aid was gone ,the pain had intensify and all i got was the doctor was a little bit busy ,the nurse kept checking on me often ,the blood had stopped coming out thankfully but the pain hadn't stopped.

"Miss Mbali" the white doctor in a coat said ,it was unsual for a White doctor in public hospital but here he was ,mama was gone because well wasn't visiting hours yet and h
She left Asanda and Sfundo back home ,he took few tests of me and all i wanted was something to nullify the pain he left and came back with a file after few minutes later.

"Miss Mbali a normal blood pressure is 140/90 and minimal is 159/99 but yours is over 200 which is not good for the baby ,you have what we call Preeclampsia that explains the bleeding which continuing with the pregnancy may be risky not only on you but on the baby's life too , we need your go ahead to operate you to save both you and the baby" he stated fixing his eyeglasses.

"Like a C-section "i asked he nodded "will my child be okay "i asked worriedly he took a long breath and sigh.

"The is not guarantee on premature babies, the might be complications in the long run but for now we have to try our best and save both of you " he said i nodded my head in agreement as i threw my head back in bed facing the ceiling.

"What causes this preeclampsia "i asked he dropped the file down the foot length.

"Many factors causes the preeclampsia even being overweight which i may assume that is the issue" i nodded feeling self conscious after he pointed out about my fat body ,it always had been a issue and still is.

"Dear God..." my lips trembled as i fail to compose a sentence I've never been much of a religious person but mama prays and forced us by us i mean me and my father.

"My mother never fails to go to bed without praying for your protection, without thanking you for another day, you took everything away from me even though people say everything has a reason which i would love to hear yours , and you gave me a life ,you had a reason for trusting me with this human inside me ,you knew she was a way of healing my broken heart and the reason why i will work hard for her but now am questioning your decision,i feel you about to take away everything that matter too me,you've been my witness as we went through this rollercoaster,you've watched me get emotion seeing her on the screen, you've witnesse me connecting with her through her strong kicks all am asking is be the God my mother praises and brags about and save my child" i finished my prayer before a Amen came from the door ,the nurse walked in with a smile on her face a warm contagious smile,somehow it assured me that everything will be okay.
....
My brain kept sending signals of pain on my body when i think about the child being ripped out of me which made me keep flinching repeatedly i knew the pain was on my brain but it felt more believable which made the doctor to give me more epidural to numb away the pain, my coscious tried closing out the worst scenarios ,this was were the handsome stranger come in ,being by my side and occasionally kissing my forehead to assure me that everything will be okay ,that our child was okay ,sex had always been my escape from my weight,I've always felt self coscious and sex was my drug , having a man woship my body was boosting my self esteem even for a few minutes but that particular day ,that particular moment that man had captured my soul i always been coscious about how much of a skin i revealed but that particular day my walls were down and the was something interesting about him that i can't put my hand into, my thoughts wondered around till the were disturbed by the human who was taken out of her comfort zone and warm home ,the breeze engult her soft skin that her cries echoed in the room , painful cries assured me she was alive we were both alive ,the doctor didn't feel at ease with completely putting me to sleep ,not when my blood pressure was sky rocket so he didn't do it.

"Its a girl"the nurse shouted above her voice as she held the perfect human showing me her features making sure i remember perfectly before in a minute she was taken away from me before i can even get a chance to admire her, her cries died down by the second before silence engulf us yet again,i was a mother , i was a mother to that little girl ,even though i was alone in this journey i promised to love her.

"Thandolwethu" i found myself saying with a smile,she was the love that didn't get enough sunlight to blossom between me and her father,by now i had given up on trying to find him and let the universe play itself,right then and there i took the most difficult decision, one that i knew will dissappoint my mother and my father beyond his grave but my child came first ,that baby depended on me to protect,love and provide for her,she was my responsibility that i didn't expect anyone to take care of.