More than Just Friends

Chapter 15

Rachel sat at the table in Monica and Chandler's apartment, head in her hand as her thoughts swirled in her head. Monica was there as well, busy making dinner for tonight as she rambled on about her day and how excited she was about the wedding, though if she was to be honest, she wasn't listening.

A couple more days have gone by since she had confronted Ross on the streets, and things haven't gotten any better. He was still ignoring her and giving her the cold shoulder, not showing any signs of wanting to mend their relationship. The only thing that could be pointed out was that since her confrontation, he seems to finally glance in her direction from time to time. At least now she finally felt visible, she just didn't feel welcomed.

It was tough, it was. Every day, it felt like this gaping hole in her chest just got bigger and bigger, affecting not only her happiness but her personality. She couldn't even remember the last time she had a genuine smile or even just a modest laugh. She wasn't enjoying work, she wasn't enjoying being at home, and the worst part was even her group of friends felt foreign to her. Before, they were her fall back in times of pain, but now she had to put on a fake smile and pretend like nothing was bothering her.

She hated it. She hated all of this. She just wanted all of this to end.

She just wanted him back.

"Oh, I'm so excited! In just a few weeks, I'm going to be married! This is a dream come true!" Monica gushed, pacing around in front of her. "Oh, I just can't wait! Can you?"

"Mmhmm..."

"And the place is going to be so nicely decorated! There's going to be flowers, and music, and everyone will say that my wedding was the best wedding they've ever been to!"

"...Mmm..."

"Oh, and my dress! I love that dress we picked up. I can't wait to put that on and take photos in it! I'll have a photo of Chandler and I framed up on that wall... Oh wait, what are you going to wear?"

"Mmhmm, yeah."

Monica paused and turned around. "Rachel, are you even listening to me?"

"...Mmmhmm..." she mumbled again.

"Rachel!"

She jumped at the call of her name, snapping out of her trance. She looked up sheepishly at Monica, who was looking at her strangely.

"What's gotten into you lately? You seem to zone out whenever we talk."

Rachel scratched her head. "Um... yeah, sorry Mon. I just have a lot on my mind right now..." she trailed off, looking down.

"Uh oh," Monica said, seeing her expression. "I know that face. I'll get the ice cream."

"No, no ice cream," she quickly said, surprising her friend. "I'm just not feeling it."

"You don't want ice cream? Now I'm really worried." Monica took a seat and looked at her. "Alright, talk to me. What happened with that guy?"

Rachel was about to ask how she knew but realized it was pretty obvious. She sighed. "It's all just a huge mess Mon. It's even more complicated than the last time we talked, and I don't know what to do."

"Ok, well then why don't you start by telling me what happened after our talk?" Monica suggested. "You never told me if you broke up with him or not."

She looked down sadly, the memories of that horrific night returning to her. "We broke up... but we broke up in the worse way possible and I just feel so guilty about it. We were lying on his bed and out of the blue, he started talking about the future, and all of a sudden, he told me he loved me and wanted me to be a part of his future."