Wei Ying's destroyed heart (Complete) Edited

23: Wei Ying tells Lan Zhan the truth.

In the morning Wei Ying woke slowly at five am, as he wondered if he would ever be able to sleep till midday again. As he rose from that dream world, he realised there was a sound against the side of his head. It reminded him of a heartbeat ... there were arms around him .... He was being held tightly .... He could hear ... the breath inside his chest as it rose and fell. Suddenly he felt one of the arms move from his back only for a hand to rest against the back of his head as if trying to settle him.

'Wei Ying ... you really are here ... you were not just a dream ... I finally have you back ...'

Wei Ying stayed perfectly still as he listened to Lan Zhan.

'I swear, from this moment on, I will protect you with all my heart. Never .... Again ....'

Wei Ying felt the tears burn his eyes just a moment before they fell. '...' He slowly raised his head to look down at Lan Zhan only to see the man watching him as if he could not believe he was there.

Lan Zhan felt his ears heat up and knew they coloured a little at the thought of Wei Ying hearing his words.

Wei Ying just looked into his eyes, the truth was, he felt the same way but the injury to his heart ... and even his soul was still raw and he needed to keep his heart at a distance in any way he could. Just to be sure if he was thrown away again, it would not be as devastating. 'HanGuang-Jun?' even as he said these words, he went to sit up, but Lan Zhan refused to let him move away from him. 'I should have stayed asleep dreaming that dream.'

'Tell me about your dream.'

'I was sitting in the really thick fog. There was no sounds, no smells ... no people .... nothing, just me, but suddenly ... I heard you calling out my name. I just sat there wanting to stay small and quiet but you kept calling out to me. You called me hundreds of times but I didn't answer you at all. I thought you would just give up and leave me in the silence again, but suddenly you were there, you sat beside me, picked me up and refused to let me go. I told you to go back as you belonged with the living, you had to return to you life ... and you said ...'

'What did I say?'

'You swore to never leave me alone like that again. You said you would never leave me lost like that again .... HanGuang-Jun, why did you refuse to leave me there?'

'Lan Zhan. Please call me that again ... even if you hate me ...' he stopped talking when Wei Ying shuddered and a sob escaped him, then he wept softly for a short time. 'Wei Ying?'

'Don't you understand yet .... It was because I was not able to hate you ... that is why I've been so messed up, I cough up blood.' He closed his eyes and moved his head against Lan Zhan's chest. 'Every morning and evening I would meditate to school my heart to hate you, every morning I woke and had to do it over again and again and again, everyday ... I would become so unstable I would throw up blood ... I had to hate you ... I had to learn how to hate you ... but every time I tried again, I would cough up blood ... but I couldn't stop trying.' His hands gripped hold of the material of Lan Zhan's robe. 'Why didn't it work?'

'That means you are still trying to make yourself hate me since you got here?'

'Why can't I hate you?' his voice as small and wounded as he asked that question. 'Lan Zhan ... why?'

'From now on, just stop trying to hate me because it is only hurting you to the point you are wasting away.' He lifted Wei Ying's face so he could see him and watched as Wei Ying took a deep breath as if he had decided on something.

'I think I know a way that will make you hate me or be so disgusted with me you throw me away for good?'

'I will never.' He said with determination. Nothing and no one would ever make him like that again.

'You don't know that, one talis ...' he stopped when Lan Zhan held up his hand to expose a strange ribbon around his wrist.

The colours were white, blue, red and black. Each entwined with the others. Knots ran along its length but at alternating widths. On the place where it was tied, a small metal tag dangled.

'What is that?' however his finger traced along it as his heart flipped at the choice of colours used. When he touched it, he realised, it was made of metal. 'I thought it was string, but it's metal.'

'It took me almost six months of trial and error to make this. It blocks any ill intended talisman aimed at me or from being placed on me. I finally got it right and now if you look at anyone's wrist, they will have one in their colours ... this is my sects colours and your colours. Trust me Ying, no one will ever make me turn from you again. Now what do you think could ever turn me from you?'

He quickly buried his face in Lan Zhan's chest again as his fingers gripped his robe as tight as he could, this was so he could even bring himself to say the words that had been trying to escape since the first time he met this man. He took a deep breath then let it out slowly to steady his racing heart. 'Lan Zhan ... I ... have been in love with you since the first time I saw you standing under the moonlight all those years ago. I hated the idea that you would pay attention to anyone else so I made you pay attention to me and only me. I didn't want anyone else other than me to make you mad. I didn't ever what you to tell anyone else to piss off. I never wanted anyone else to make you angry or ... smile ... or laugh or anything else. I wanted you to only look at me, to only smile for me, to only get angry at me, to only pay attention to me. In the slaughter cave when I asked if you liked that woman, I couldn't let you say yes so I cut you off. I wanted you all to myself and to never share you ... so it turns out I'm a cut sleeve, but only for you ... I love you ... d.d.do you hate me now?' he couldn't lift his head to look at the man who had all but froze the moment he started to talk. He felt Lan Zhan's body tremble, his heart race, his breath seemed to be locked in his chest as it didn't move up and down at all. He knew what was coming and decided to just wait for Lan Zhan's disgust and to be thrown away again.