The Burning saint: Ascended

The heretic.

"I wonder if you can hear me when I'm like this. When I'm tired, when I'm barely just a small spec of energy flowing through your brain, that you never seem to acknowledge. I know you hate me, I know I am a manifestation of the most evil creatures to ever exist and you don't want me in your head. You can be sure that I hate you too.

Remember when I was born? That whole night is a blur to me. I remember holding one of those orbs that demon shamans usually carry. Our body was on fire, it was painful. I remember that I wanted to kill something, anything. A town full of demons died that day, but it didn't stop the desire to kill, and the only thing still alive was a human. You never forgave me for what I did. I can understand that, but I never understood why you never forgave yourself, you had no way of stopping me. You even tried to save the man when you regained control from me. Do you really not understand? You did not kill him!

It all went black for me soon after and the next time I was conscious, I had no control. I saw you holding a man up against a wall. You were mad at him, I think your anger might be what awakened me for a moment. He was about to kill a human woman, so it makes sense you would be angry about it. I think the man's name was Leon, I don't remember when I heard it. He told you killing her would be a mercy, after what those demons put her through. It wasn't just torture, it was something more horrible and disgusting. At least, he believed it to be that way, but I don't remember what it was, he didn't even want to think about it. He said that even you couldn't recover her from it, not that it didn't stop you from trying. When you held her in your arms, then that light started coming from your body. I don't remember what happened next.

The humans you met on Earth, I don't know why, but I remember them, I can't stop thinking about them, even the ones who's faces I never saw, I remember the man I killed, he never got to tell us his name, there was someone named Gustaw, that woman Leon was about to kill, and a dead man named Joseph, or at least that was the name written on his jacket, I think he killed himself, I didn't understand why he didn't die fighting, but you acted like you do. I still don't understand, I don't think I'll ever understand, I'm a demon after all.

You remember when we met the fire spawn right? It's the next thing I could see when I next regained consciousness. I remember pain, more pain than I had experienced ever before. All of our limbs were broken, our body was full of bullets. It was that damned firespawn that did it, the one with strange outfit, and two red axes on his back. Since then I have always wanted to kill that thing. I know you have too. After it dragged our broken body for countless days, made us watch it torture that dog, and eat it while that dog. After countless experiences like that, I know that, that thing may be the most evil creature there is, even among demons. I had wondered if I could be just like that, I know you have too, you hate me as if I was. Could I inflict such pain on someone while I make someone else watch, knowing that it would cause the one watching even more pain? Maybe I could, but I would never do it. Killing alone is good enough for me.

He said he wanted to kill you, but knew better than to try, and you will eventually kill him, so instead he would make you suffer as much as he can before the time comes. I don't know why he thinks that. We are not invincible, we can die, and he was in the perfect position to kill us, but instead he dragged our half dead body closer to the demon portal, helping us find it. He has provided help other times too, the device you carry was given to you by him, and the enhancements on the human weapons were only possible because he told us where the demon forge was. But we both know, this is not a reason to think he has good intentions, he is our enemy, and he would kill us if there was nothing stopping him.

I know you were trying to prevent me from taking control the whole time we were on earth, that was why you were consuming energy so carefully, avoiding consuming too much, never giving me enough to get stronger than you. That was until we reached the portal. There you stopped holding me back, I remember taking over more and more as you fought that death knight, when you pushed him through the portal, I was happy while you were throwing fireballs in its face, it was a great victory over a demon more powerful than any we had ever encountered before, and when you closed the portal, you drained the demon dry, giving me full control. I knew you weren't doing it out of kindness, you just thought you were too weak to survive on your own in this world. But regardless, I should be thankful to you, the following year was when I was happier than I had been throughout my entire existence, I could kill endlessly, with nothing stopping me, and every kill was so satisfying.

But I guess all good things must come to an end, and in this case it was when I met the templar. When I first saw him, I was about to kill him, but there was something telling me to not do it. I wasn't going to obey that feeling, but it made it hard to focus, and the demons all around him were making it even harder. At least it didn't stop me from killing those things, so that was fun, maybe I should've ran away after that, because after that I started trying to resist that feeling, I tried to attack the Templar, and I immediately regretted it. Not because I didn't want to kill him, but because I started losing control. The feeling got stronger, it wasn't just that I stopped wanting to kill him, I wanted to be close to him. Only after the fight I knew that that feeling was you, doing everything in your power to restrain me.

Ever since then, I have been here, trying to take over. I hate you, all I knew was that I enjoyed killing things, and you have only ever tried to stop me when it's something other than demons, as if it made a difference. I know you think there's a difference, that's why you made him put that curse on you, so I wouldn't be able to kill anything else.

The worst part is, those feelings you forced upon me never went away completely, I hate it! I hate what you're making me into! forcing me to be something I'm not! I even started having similar feelings towards the templar as you do and yet the desire to kill remains. Why do I want to kill them? Why do I want to protect them? How can I feel both of these desires for the same thing? I still don't understand why you care about them so much, why are their lives to be protected, and demons are to be killed!?

Maybe you're right to hate me, maybe it would be better if I died, just like it is with all other demons."