Too Broken to Love

28

To say the morning was tense would be to downplay it significantly. I had woken up at the crack of dawn, got the kids to school and daycare and then slowly inched back to the house.

The sun was starting to come up and while it's glow was radiating the fields, the whole beauty of it was lost on me as I struggled to fight back the dread filling my body.

It's not that I didn't want Spencer's kids, I didn't feel ready for anymore kids at all. It wasn't a topic we had talked about either which only seemed to be adding to the nerves built up inside.

I went inside and mustered the strength to shower and pull on some clothes. I looked like hell and I knew it. The constant vomiting over the last week had left me completely drained and exhausted. Still I pushed myself to brush my hair leaving my golden locks to fall down over my shoulder, and then applied some light makeup to hide the bags that had taken over under my eyes.

I sat staring at the clock, watching the seconds as they ticked by when I heard his truck pulling into the driveway. I got up and walked to meet him at the door, taking a deep breath in before I twisted the handle.

"Morning beautiful" he said pulling me into a hug and kissing my forehead.
"Morning." I replied squeezing him tightly and refusing to let go.

The emotional wave that overcame me was as forceful as a tsunami. It swept over my body, leaving no room for anything to block its path. Tears began flowing from my eyes leaving damp stains on Spencer's shirt as he clutched me tighter to him.

"Shh. It's going to be okay! I promise whatever it is we can figure it out together!"
"Spence I'm scared. I can't lose you, I just can't!" I sobbed.
"Hey, shhh, you could never lose me Averleigh. I promise I will be with you every step of the way! It's me and you! There is nothing the doctor could say that would make me stop loving you!". He lifted my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe my cheeks. "Now let's go and figure out what's going on so we can get you better!". He kissed my forehead again and eventually I nodded following him to the truck.

We rode in silence, mostly because my mind was racing and I couldn't find any words to hide how terrified I was. Sure I was dreading the chance I could be pregnant, but a google search of the alternatives during the trip had me further on edge.

When we got closer to the office Spencer reached out and grabbed my shaking hands. Before long we were pulling into the parking lot and I finally gained the courage to speak.

"Spence I need you to promise me something?" I spoke with a slight tremble in my voice.
He frowned slightly before cupping my face. "You know I would do anything for you! What is it!"
"I need you to promise me that whatever happens in there, that you'll take care of the kids. I know we don't know anything yet, but if I am really sick, I want you to take care of them!" I sniffled.
"Averleigh, don't talk like that! We can get through anything!"
"No Spence! I need you to promise that if it's something major, you'll be there for them! They love you and they need you! Just promise me please!" I begged.
"I promise! But you are going to be fine, I just know it!" He half smiled kissing my forehead.

As we got out of the truck he took my hand gripping it firmly in his. When we walked in the receptionist handed me some paperwork to fill out and we took a seat.

Spencer watched me as I filled out my information, briefly smiling when I asked for his phone number to list as an emergency contact. It was saved in my phone so I had never needed to learn it. Once I had completed the personal information I flipped over to the next page. A questionnaire on family history and medical conditions.

I nervously made my way down the list, circling the options for high or low blood pressure, arthritis, and finally cancer. I felt Spencer still beside me as he watched. I finally made it to the bottom of the page where the question of pregnancy was asked as well as the date of my last cycle.