the girl on the bench

Chapter 22

When I start my car, Spotify starts playing 'Stupid' one of G's songs. "Why we always acting stupid?" G sings through my car speakers. Ironic. I switch to FM radio immediately. Once I'm on the road my phone starts blowing up. Calls and texts from both G and Charlotte. I turn my phone off and the tears begin to flow from my eyes without stopping. This is exactly what Alex warned me about. I begin to think I was more invested than G was. Not that I have any right to be upset because we aren't official or anything but I thought she had more respect for me since we slept together only this morning. Stopping at a red light, I think about turning my phone on to just talk to her and let her offer me some solace but I don't.

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When I pull up to my house, it's empty as usual. I head straight to the kitchen and grab a bottle of vodka out of the freezer. I head to my bedroom and shut the door with a slam. I take off my shoes while undoing the bottle cap. I take a swig and wince at the burning liquid trickling down my throat. It immediately makes me feel less. I take off my clothes and throw on an oversized t-shirt. I half-heartedly take my makeup off with a wipe and chuck my hair in a bun. I put the TV on and take another swig. I take my phone out of my bag and stare at it contemplating whether now is a good time to turn it on. Just thinking about G brings their kiss to my mind. I push my phone under my pillow and scroll through Disney+. I end up passing out around 2am while watching The Little Mermaid.

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When I wake up at 7am I know I haven't had nearly enough sleep. My body clock once again waking me up without needing to. My eyes sting from all the tears I shed the night before. I look around the room and see the vodka. I didn't drink much but it was enough to knock me out and give me a headache this morning. I take a sip of water from the bottle next to my bed. I look around for my phone and remember that I hid it under my pillow. I reach for it and brace myself with a deep breath. I turn it back on. 32 missed calls from G, 5 from Charlotte and multiple texts from both. I listen to the first voicemail from G: "Soph... please come back. Fuck. It's not like that. She's nothing to me anymore. Are you at home?..." silence then a voice I don't recognise "Who are you talking to, babe?" "Don't say that shit, Jemma" I hear G's voice say. I hang up the phone. I look at the texts from Charlotte:
Charlotte - Are you OK?
Charlotte - Sophie, please call her back she's freaking out.
Charlotte - Call me back when you get this?

I glance at the texts from G:
G - Please baby I'm sorry. Call me
G - I'm sorry, it's not like that anymore. I'm with you. She didn't know
G - Sophie?
One is from this morning at 6:23am:
G - I need to see you.

I suddenly feel guilt wash over me. She's still texting me. She must have had a shit night and it was her birthday of all nights. Did I ruin it for her and Charlotte? They spent some of their night texting and calling me. I hope they don't think bad of me. Have I ruined things with G for good? I'm hurt, there's no doubt about that but we weren't official. I don't know what to think. I think about texting Alex but I don't want her to think badly of G if it really did mean nothing.

I check Instagram and her face is the first I see at the top. She posted stories from last night. I click on her face and start watching them. The first video is early in the night of her drinking a beer with the number '1'. The second is a picture of the table and her friends around it. The third is a video of me at the bar. She zooms into my ass. I had no idea she took that. The fourth is only from 7 hours ago and is of her roommates dancing around the coffee table. Then I see it. Her. Jemma was there. At her house. I turn my phone off and cover myself in my blanket.