Magnolia in May [H.S]

Part twenty-two

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Harry

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Magnolia's face loomed my mind, a disease I couldn't rid of. But one I didn't want to cure.

Though being as stubborn and headstrong as I was I wouldn't admit it, I couldn't. Not to her and most importantly to myself. If or when I finally admit it that means something, it had significance. And I didn't want that. Not when there's any plausible chance that thing could change, or leave.

The situation made me think back to my gran, things she would say to me. Words of wisdom that came from the center of her pure angelic heart. Things I'd of never understood without her help. And I know if she was here she'd be upset at me for not telling the truth. For running from my problems, hiding, and cowering. I remember the stern look she'd constantly give me for being cheeky, and a smile that lit up the whole world. I can hear her words 'Go get the girl H'. But I never was an optimistic person.

I never wanted a relationship, I never wanted to be exclusive with someone. So why do I want it now?

Why does the universe keep pushing me toward her? I'm not one for dumb shit like fate but this felt strange. The constant pressure to admire her, to talk to her, and just be in her presence was undeniable. Like we were two fucking magnets just waiting, scrounging through hell and back to be connected.

That sounds stupid, right?

I tell if it's the fact I want to be her friend, get to know her deepest darkest secrets, or something else. If I'm just enamored, intrigued by the mystery surrounding her. The way her cheeks crease when she smiles, or the undertone melancholy that shadows like a ghost following her. 

Do I even like her or is it just curiosity?

She cares or at least I think she does, she said happy birthday... And I was too much of a dick to say thank you back to her. I didn't even say anything for that matter, just stood there as she walked out. Away from me, I did nothing.

I can't let myself fall. Whatever that means. I won't.

The sun glistens on my skin, molding rays of shine on the surface of my un-concealed skin. I close my eyes, focusing on the percussion beat of my heart. The slowed rate it pounds, and the repetitiveness of it. The sand beneath me is cold, fridge water bottles cold. And the foam sprouting on it is just as freezing, if not more. I lay like a bother starfish, letting the chilly sea brush over the peak of my feet. Washing over my toes then ankles, stopping and pulling back. Eventually making its way back over to me again, repeating the process.

Each time I station every bone, muscle to distract, on the simpleness of water going in between my toes.

Diverting from the fact I woke up this morning with an intense pain surging through my left leg, from the ankle all the way up. That the feelings I was experiencing were true, the pain wasn't just some sick nightmare my mind was constructing. It was real, just as real as the fear.

Please don't let this be like last time... please.

But with the consistent trickle of the sea, the ache fades, leaving me wondering if my mind was really conjuring up the ghostly pain through my leg. It had been almost a month since what happened the night of the game, surely it wouldn't come back now. But then again it could, right?

I prop myself up on my elbows, finally opening my eyes to see the sun right above me. Gleaming with perspiration. The clouds bubble around it, covering it. It goes in and out, warm light to cold light. The sea retracts, blue waves of fury, delicately swaying in an eternal pattern.

A shade of cerulean that loved to dwell in the whirlpool, a perfect mixture of turquoise and royal blue.

-- -

Sixteen months ago...

My heart pounds with adrenaline, excite rushing through my veins. I gaze down below at the treacherous sight. Grinning full teeth smile under my mask, my eyes lighting up within the filtered confines of my ski goggles.

The below-zero air cuts through the soft fabric of my mask, pinkening it even with the cover.

I stare below at the steep, dropping incline. A double-black-diamond trail that was just waiting to be slid down on my board. Perfect snow-glistening curves, a deadly drop. One that made me want to do it even more.

I wait, watching people take one look at the drop and deciding to back out, But I don't. The intensity only propels me further into needing the rush of adrenaline. The addicting sense of power, a high no other could muster to match.

With the wave of the safety guard, I grab my board propped around my shoulder, and toss it into the step suffocatingly thick layer of snow. The flurries pour down, a sign that I shouldn't go through with this. But I don't listen, I've made up my mind. I'm doing this.

I secure my boots into the board, swaying to move further to the entrance of the trail. Peering down at the sight that was calling my name.

I was going to do this, even though it meant I was doing it alone.   

My feet plant, gaining momentum. As soon as I know it I'm off the edge, surging down the slick fresh snow. The stickiness makes it hard, suctioning me to one place. But I push through so I don't wipe out, moving my thighs with a pattern. I rush down the incline of the double-black-diamond. Getting the sweet and savory sensation of adrenaline through my blood. A feeling almost faint but controlling my consciousness.

I decide to go off the path, squeezing through trees. I slid further, plowing a path. Yet the snow gets sloppier, my traction gets looser. The irony, facing me now at this moment. My feet do from under me, I lose my balance.

And the last thing I can remember is the searing pain in my limbs. Pure unsettling darkness, quiet. But not peaceful in the slightest. An alarm playing through the surface of my throbbing head. With the bottomless pit eclipse, I hear the drowned out sound of an ambulance. But it stays pitch black, fuzzy static clouding.

-- -

The current grows honorary, pacing all the way up to the tattoo above my knee. With its tepid tease, I break out of my thoughts. Fluttering my eyes open once again at the shining sun. But now instead of it being dead center in the sky, it falls, dropping low in the baby blue sky. It curls with the line of the ocean, beaming orange instead of a broken yellow. I registered my error, knowing I zoned out for an unhealthy amount of time. I raise to my hands, holding up the entirety of my weight with the axis of my palms.

Coming to understand that pain in my leg had faded, almost completely. As if it ceased to exist in the first place. I plummet my head back into the grain of the sand, it infiltrates the back of my curls, latching onto the hair.

Maybe you should get off this beach...

Or I suppose I could just stay here for the rest of eternity, wallowing in salt.

But with the newfound company of chilling breeze, I pull myself up. Dusting the soggy sand off my basket case of a body and shuffling over. Up the sandy dune, I rolled down a mere five hours ago. I manage to peel my soul away from the comfort of the beach, tossing it into my hunk of metal.

— -

~I know this chapter is kinda short and boring but it gives some backstory, I hope you enjoyed it!~

<3