Magnolia in May [H.S]

Part sixty-one

I hope y'all enjoy this part! Please comment and  vote my loves <33

"Just a small town girl,"
"Livin' in a lonely world,"

"A singer in a smoky room, the smell of wine and cheap perfume."

"For a smile they can share the night,"

-- -

I wondered what it was like before her, life- breathing, smiling, laughing, sex. The fatal thing is I couldn't remember, just that it wasn't the same. Living wasn't the same. A mush of day-to-day clutter and now every aspect was crystalline. Beginning to understand it was impossible, at first glance it seemed futile. I was never one to understand my feelings, what they meant or how other people interpreted them, now I was simply at a loss. I had wandered too far this time. Wound up with a bunch of undescribed tethered emotions and a measly handful of guilt. 

I was in love. More than in it, I was completely drowning from head to toe. It had invaded my entire body, inside out. Destroying any preconceived notion I had of life. The love had me by my hair, by my wrists, and my legs. It felt nonsensical admitting it to myself, saying 'you're in love' when I promised I'd never do that to myself. I'd never give someone that advantage over me, but now I was willing to give it. Hell, on my knees handing it over. It was scary, fuck- I was terrified. 

What happened to being the grumpy hockey player that womanized?

I pry myself from the sheets, trembling my limbs with each movement of my muscle. The phone rings from the couch, a daunting reminder of what I've done. I stumble physically to my wits, slouching over to turn it off while trying to be as quiet as possible. With the beep gone I glance over at a soundly sleeping Meg.

Her hair fawned around her in a charming mess, plump lips ajar and perspiring air. Soft gingerly huffs of breath. By her state it was obvious she was spent, and if it weren't for the adrenaline keeping me stable I'd be too. I admire from afar, utterly halted in my tracks at her beauty, mindlessly gorgeous.

I snap out of pining when the phone begins to ring again, pinching the bridge of my nose in annoyance. Why the fuck do they keep calling me? Maybe I should've handled my shit before I decided to run off into the sunset with her. Then again no.

My legs hurt with the notion of last night, memories of lust invading my spent mind. Her riding my face was the highlight of this year- by far. I was starting to think she was gonna end up being the highlight of my entire life. I peel my guilty staring, bending over to throw my jeans back on, accompanied by a hoodie. 

Harry, explain how you managed to ruin the best fucking thing that happened to you?

Sauntering out the thick wooden door, the deep-blue brightening sky assaults my eyes. And all at once that guilt grows, spiraling into deadly fruition.