[AlexGaskarth] I'm The Only One [Sequel | You're Not The Only One]

[ChapterFifteen]

Dipping the paintbrush into the paint, I bite down on my lower lip, completely conflicted with what to paint, I have no idea what to paint, and it’s bothering me.

I have no idea what to do, I'm so uninspired. All I can think about is last night, what he said to me, what I said to him, my dream.

Combing my fingers through my hair, I drop the paintbrush back down on the desk, pushing back in the chair, licking my tongue across my lower lip.

It’s so pathetic, really, that I still think that I would take him back. All I want is an explanation, to know why he broke up with me and took everything I had with him.

That would be nice.

Having him back would be nice, too.

I'm done pretending that I'm okay without him, because I'm not. Not having him around is hard. I don’t have my best friend around anymore, because no matter how close Ryan and I are, she’s not Alex.

He was the best at cuddling. When we were together, everything was going so well.

Rian said something about me always forgiving him. Something about that always scaring him, that I deserve someone who doesn’t need me to forgive him all the time.

It’s, I mean, it sounds like complete bullshit, but it makes sense when I think of Alex. He hated that I always forgave him, and we’d get into arguments about it.

But, I don’t know.  Everything last night, it just seemed like a joke to him. The way he corrected me and the way he just thought that things would go back to normal, I can’t, he can’t expect me to jump into this.

He destroyed me.

The door to the gallery opens, I can hear the soft squeaking of the hinge, and I stand up, not realizing that I left the door unlocked.

Walking to the entrance of my private studio, I tilt my head to the side, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Sighing, I look at him, watching as his eyes scan the gallery walls, taking in what he hasn’t seen or paid attention to for a while.

A blank expression washes over his face and I feel my stomach constrict with nerves. It never made me anxious before, because he used to watch me paint.

Cracking my finger, a bad habit when the nerves kicked in, I raise an eyebrow. The silence is overwhelming, something that I usually welcomed but now overbearing.

I don’t know why he’s here or how he even remembers how to get here. I hate this, I don’t know why he’s here and I feel like he’s judging everything, judging my art and me.

Running his free hand through his hair, he looks at me. “When did you get this amazing?” Biting down on his lower lip, a smile appears on his face.

Blushing, I shrug my shoulders, looking down at the hardwood floor. “Most of these aren't the newest things. The newest things sold.”

“You’re selling your artwork?” He looks at me, remorse washing over his face, as if he leaving led me to selling my art.

Nodding my head, I draw my eyebrows together. “That’s what artists do, Alex. They sell their art, just like musicians sell their albums.” I still don’t know why he’s here.

“I'm sorry, Logan.”

Looking up at him, I scrunch my nose. “What are you sorry for? I thought that we were done with apologizing. I thought we were done.”

Shaking his head, he shrugs his shoulders, running a hand through his hair. “I'm sorry that I never paid attention to your art like you did to mine.”

Biting my bottom lip, I nod my head, unsure of what he wants me to say, because apparently forgiving him will only lead to another break up. “I was also always here and you weren’t. I got used to it. What are you doing here?”

Sighing, he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “But, you shouldn’t have gotten used to it. That’s my fault. It’s going to change.”

I don’t know what to say, because it means a lot that he was going to take an interest in what I do, but I also know that he isn’t just going to put his career on hold.

I don’t even know if I want to take this risk again, us, it took all of my energy to make this work, and he did nothing.

“What do you want from me, Alex? You couldn’t wait until I got home? You had to come into my gallery and stress me out here?” Crossing my arms over my chest, I lean against the doorframe.

He’s such an asshole. I don’t know what he wants with me and it’s tugging my heart in all different directions. I can’t handle this.

Licking his lower lip, he swallows what I assume is a lump in his throat. “I just want to explain, Logan. I, just, I want you back, okay? I want us.”

Rolling my eyes, I sigh softly, suddenly not feeling like I was before, an explanation isn't good enough, his words are shit, and they’re empty like all his promises were.

“Alex, I, I don’t know what you want from me. I still don’t know why you broke up with me. Rian said something about you not being good enough for me. Why would I be with you for over four years if I didn’t think you were good enough? Is that even the reason? How many girls did you sleep with, Alex?” It’s the only conclusion that I can make, because nothing else seems logical, he’s a selfish person.

Lolling his head backwards, he gives me all the information that I needed, guilt was eating away at him, even when he knew I would have probably forgiven him.

Nodding my head, I shake my head. “Wow, Alex, that’s fantastic. You know what, why don’t you go home? You should probably get tested. If something comes back positive, let me know so I can get tested.”

“Logan, come on.”

“Stop, Alex. How can you let Rian tell me it’s something as simple as you not wanting to be selfish?”

“Because I fucking love you, okay? I did horrible things to you and I ruined everything we had because I was stupid.”

Nodding my head, I feel the tears burning my eyes. “Yeah, you did ruin things, Alex. I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”