Loving Dr. Spencer Reid

Why Me?

I was rushed into a hospital room where doctors rushed around getting tests and checking my pulse, heart beat and many more, Sepncer had to take my pants off as it hurt for me to move the slighest.

''Spencer whats wrong with him'' I cried Morgan stood by my head and wiped away all my tears as the were coming out like a waterfall.

''Miss. Hotchner we are going to have to enduce your labour'' He scribbled down on a peice of paper.

''Why?'' I Was worried now.

''Miss. Hotchner your just going to have trust us and let us do our job'' He nodded and called in some nurses. I was then prompted up and my legs were spread in order to give birth, I wasnt ready, I wasnt ready, this wasnt right, how could this be?, What did I do wrong?, How did this happen?.

I cried and continued to cry as everyone around me rushed around, in my eyes time had fallen still. I was so confused in what was happening I didnt even relise when the doctor had told me to push, Spencer had to snap me out of daze and bring me back down. The pain was unbearable and I couldnt stand it any longer.

''Give me a big push'' He instructed

I did as he said and I gave it my all.

A few more big pushes and the first one was out.

''Nurse, 5 Pounds exactly, Female'' I smiled My baby girl, we had a girl. Her screamed filled the air and tears ran down my face. I was holding both Morgans and Spencers hand.

''Miss Hotchner give me another big push'' He insisted

I did as I was told, After a good few pushes the second one came and out and relief gushed over me like a big wave of water.

But there were no screams, no nothings my heart raced.

''Nurse, 6 pounds 5 ounces, male, still born'' and then the doctor got up and walked over to the sink and washed his hands.

''Still born, what do they mean still born?'' I panicked.

''I'm sorry Miss. Hothcner but your son didnt make it'' The doctor came over and gave me a sad look.

''Can I have him, where is he, why did they take him away, I want to hold him, I want my son'' I demanded with tears streaming down my face.

'' Im sorry but not at this moment, there a few things we need to go through before you can see him'' I cried, I cried like never before and I couldnt stop and I didnt want to stop, how could he go, he never got to see the world, never got to see me, never got to see his father, Spencer.

This wasnt fair, it wasnt fair on me and it wasnt fair on him.

I lay back in my bed and sobbed. Spencer sitting by my side with my hand intwined with his, tears slipped from his eyes, my heart broke even more to see Sepncer like this.

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I had been in the hospital for three days now, things werent getting any easier, we were able to hold our baby boy, he was so soft, he looked like Spencer but he was still lifeless, I didnt want to accept it but really I had no choice but too.

We named him Wyatt James Reid born at 6;47 pm, October 24th 2014

I could only hold him for a few seconds, I couldnt bare to hold him any longer, Spencer on the other hand wouldnt give him back, it took five minutes for him to hand Wyatt back over.

The only other person that I allowed to see Wyatt was my dad, he cried while holding him, I dont know if he was sad for me or just sad his grandson never got to see him. Apprently Wyatt was already gone while inside the whom, thats why I was in so much pain, I actually felt my son die and I couldnt shake the feeling.

We decieded not to have a funeral, the hospital takes care of all still borns which is nice, we are allowed his birth certific and thats about it.

On I guess a much happier note our daughter is beautiful, she looks like Spencer, well thats what I think and Spencer thinks she looks like me. She is a happy wee thing, never cries and to everyones surprise she sleeps through out the whole night, which is great because I need sleep.

Spencer cant keep his hands off of her, it's cute I smile each time, Morgan loves her to bits, he now has a new babygirl, Spencer doesnt like it when he calls his daughter that but he knows its a joke.

I can tell you one thing

I'm glad to have my flat tummy back.