metanoia ~ regulus black

explosions and hope

After a long and lonely start to the year Cassie felt less and less heavy hearted as February began to slowly burn through. After the day she spent in the Gryffindor tower with the Marauders Cassie felt a little more human, not having Matty anymore had changed her indefinitely but she was beginning to spend more time out of her bed again. Her detentions for punching Mulciber were finally over and she was spending most of her free time with her housemates Lucy and Alice or the Marauders. James and Lily had finally gotten together and become an official couple which meant she was spending a lot more time with the boys and Cassie. Many girls would've been annoyed by suddenly having a new girl around all the time but Cassie loved it, her and Lily got on like a house on fire.

She still felt a burning rage whenever she saw or thought about Avery, Mulciber or Bellatrix but this had been soothed a little when she saw Slytherin wobble about on old spare broomsticks in their match against Ravenclaw. She had accepted that although her revenge would come one day, the time wasn't now.

Cassie had also been approached by a concerned looking Evan Rosier on a Sunday night whilst she was studying by herself in the library. He had given her his condolences for Matty and said he would've came earlier but he could never find her to tell her how sorry he was for her loss and didn't want to approach her when she was with her older brother and his friends. She and thanked him for his condolences and hugged him before making an excuse to leave. She liked Evan, she really did. But when she spoke to him it only made her think of Regulus.

When she woke up the next morning Regulus was still on her mind. She wondered if he ever still thought about her. She convinced herself that he must be over her by now, it had been many weeks since she had even acknowledged his existence.

She was late as always and had missed breakfast, whilst she was pulling on her clothes and grabbing her things or the day she noticed an apple on top of the drawers with a note next to it.

Knew you'd miss breakfast but didn't want to feel the wrath of you after you've been woken up. Have a good morning <3

Cassie made a mental note to thank Lucy when she saw her and headed on her way to potions whilst chomping on her apple.

She strolled in late as always, Slughorn's didn't say anything, Matty's death had subsided Slughorn's mocking comments. It was as if he thought giving her a detention would set her off her rocker and she'd break someone's nose again.

Cassie sat down just as Slughorn finished telling the class what potion they would be making and the class set to work. She had no idea what she was meant to be doing and she didn't want to give Slughorn the satisfaction of admitting she needed help.

"Black." Said Cassie quietly, her face and voice emotionless her green eyes not quite meeting his, oh how he missed looking into her eyes. Regulus' head snapped up from his potion so quickly it was like he had been waiting for her to say his name the whole time, even if it was only his last name.

"Yes?" He asked, an almost hopeful expression on his face.

"What potion are we making?"

"The draught of living death. It's on page 64."

Cassie didn't respond after that but instead directed her eyes towards her potion book and flicked through the book until she reached page 64.

"Sounds like Slughorn could use some of this, might shut him up for a minute." Cassie muttered to herself.

Regulus smirked at this, whilst stirring his potion. He loved how she couldn't keep her thoughts quiet. Even though it wasn't said to him he liked hearing what she was thinking.

The class went by slowly, Regulus listened carefully for her secret mutters for the whole lesson whilst he brewed his potion, he wondered if she even knew she was speaking out loud.

Most of the time she spoke to herself it was barely audible, until he heard her shout.

"Oh fuck!" She shouted about a millisecond before her potion blew up all over her and her Slytherin potions partner.

"Oh lord! Miss Lupin what have you done! Ten points from Hufflepuff and you and Mr Black go and get yourselves cleaned up!" Shouted Professor Slughorn angrily. Cassie thought that he was probably more annoyed that her potion blowing up had tipped over Regulus' perfect lilac potion which was now all over the floor, way past saving.

Cassie walked slowly out of the class, giving Slughorn a burning stare as she stalked past him. Cassie hurried along the corridor but Regulus' long legs kept up with her easily.

Regulus was searching his brains for something to say, this could be his only chance to speak to her alone. His thoughts were interrupted by her voice.

"I'm sorry about your potion." She said slowly, "And your face." She said, referring to the ash that was covering his face, it was also on hers.

"Don't be," he said, nervously.

"Okay. I'm not sorry then."

Regulus looked down at her, confusion on his face, god she confused him. Before he could think of a response she turned the corner towards the nearest girls bathroom and she was gone. He was left standing by himself, mouth hung open looking and feeling like an idiot.

Before Mateo had died things had been going so well between Cassie and Regulus, she was the first girl he had truly cared for. Sure he'd had a few flings and more meaningless sex than he cared to admit but for him things had been different with Cassandra Lupin. She had given him hope, hope that he wasn't such a bad person and that one day, when the world was less of a terrible place, he could be happy.

Since Mateo died he and Casandra had barely even spoke, not since he turned up at her door at one in the morning and she slammed the door in his face. Guilt had been eating away at Regulus, taking away any happiness he had once had. But it seemed that things were looking up, Cassie had spoken to Regulus, actually spoken to him by choice.

It was this thought that he held onto when he went to clean himself of ash from her exploded potion and throughout the whole rest of day, it kept him hopeful, it kept him human.