TW// Insults, self harm, and a bit of body image will be discussed in this chapter. I'll put || where it begins and ends, or you can skip to the next chapter if you need. I'll put a recap. <3
Y/N POV:
I couldn't help feeling like an absolute idiot. My emotions were running high, and I said some stuff I didn't really mean. It felt like heaps of pain were just coming back over me, physical and emotional.
You know that old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" Well, I can now confirm that this statement is the biggest lie anyone who has ever walked planet Earth has told. I found that out during the brutal twenty minutes before this all occurred. Turns out, violence isn't the only way Arin and her friends hurt people.
||"She's such an ugly pig," Binnie snickered as she tore my jacket.
"Binnie! That's so rude...Don't insult the pigs like that," Mimi squealed out with her nasally, ear-ringing voice.
"I can't believe Jeongin chose this fat cow over you, Arin," Hyojung laughed out. All these insults made me think: Why is Jeongin still here? Why choose someone like me over someone who is...popular, and pretty, and...yea.||
I have to admit, I tried to stand firm, but my heart broke when Jeongin said I only cared about myself. Mainly because he's right. Ever since he got back, all I've been thinking about is me; Why he left me. I've never considered the possibility that he didn't have a choice. I always thought it was something about me.
What really tore me in two was when he turned towards the door. I didn't actually want him to leave; I was in the heat of the moment and just yelled it out of no where. I honestly wouldn't blame him though. ||He was just trying to make sure I was okay after seeing the cuts on my arms. I couldn't bring myself to talk about it, so I locked up. If Jeongin knew what I do to cope, it would break his heart and make him feel even more guilty than he probably already does. I still hurt him though.|| Then, Jeongin did something I wasn't expecting. He turned around to face me and shut the door harshly.
"No," was all he said to me. He sounded stern, but still like himself, calming and loving.
"N-no? What do you mean 'no?" I said back, cooling my tone down, but still sounding, unintentionally, harsh. Jeongin came closer to me and sighed.
"Y/N, I know how you're feeling. You're angry, and terrified! I know I would be if...i-f-" I cut him off.
"If you had gotten your ass beat?" I finished his sentence for him, causing another sigh to escape his mouth.
"I don't want to say that-"
"Why? It's what happened." Internally, I was screaming at myself. I sounded like a complete and utter bitch without meaning to. Jeongin sighed, again, and continued.
"Just, please, Y/N. Don't shut yourself out from me this time. I want to help you, and I don't wanna leave you right now!" Jeongin was on the brink of tears again. At this moment, I was torn between two worlds: I missed Jeongin and obviously didn't want to leave him, but at the same time, he didn't need someone like me in his life dragging him down. Between my over reactive nature, my sensitivity, and just every bad quality I have, I knew what world I had to stay in, to protect myself, Jeongin, and everyone else around me.
"Jeongin..you're my best friend, I really mean that...But you shouldn't want to stay with me. All I do is drag you into situations you shouldn't be dragged into...I'm sorry." With that, I patted his shoulder and started walking upstairs to my bedroom. He called my name several times, making me stop in my place on the top stair. I turned around to him, but fought off my thoughts with a weak, but genuine smile.
"You'll find another best friend. One who is way better than me, which isn't saying much," I may have chuckled in that moment, but what I wanted to do was break down. Fall to the floor, apologize five-hundred times, and cry in his arms, like I'd done so many times. However, I stood as still as a statue, knowing this had to be done.
My feelings seem to have been perfectly engraved on Jeongin's face as he sobbed out, "Y/N, I don't want another best friend! I want you!" He tried coming up the stairs to me, but I motioned him to stay.
"It's okay," I calmly replied, "I'll find a new house, and you won't have to deal with me anymore. Our lives will be better this way..." I honestly felt like I could feel the pain Jeongin was feeling. I knew he was hurt, but as I said, this needed to be done. I smiled weakly and briefly before heading upstairs to my bedroom.
(A/N: This is where issues with body image are mentioned. Skip this paragraph if you need to) I quietly shut the door and tried to ignore Jeongin's crying. Closing the door revealed my full body mirror. I stared at the reflected image looking back at me and sighed. A few months ago, you would've been hearing from a girl who loved herself, no matter what anyone said about her appearance. Now, you're hearing from one who, without even thinking in that moment, was criticizing herself; Poking her stomach, pulling at her arms, and squishing her cheeks. The things Arin and her friends said about my body began re-circling in my head.
"I guess I really have gained a bit of weight, haven't I?" I said quietly to myself. Eh, no big deal. I'll fix it somehow, and soon, everything will be okay. At least that's what I thought for a bit, until the next few weeks rolled around...
A/N: Not me legit cussing my OC out rn XD. But anyways, enjoy today's update! It's not my favorite just because of how short it is, And uh, I totally didn't cry a couple times because I realized I was hurting Jeongin, a literal angel, BUT ANYWAYS- I hope you guys still enjoy it. love you all, and please stay in for a few days. I've heard a couple things about what T**mp supporters are planning to do, so please stay safe guys <3
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Also, happy late WinWin, Minho, and Jeongyeon day!
