Past Present Future [BL - SaifahZon]

Chapter 6

p a s t

Summer days were almost over and all those peach-coloured moments of freedom were about to end. It was like a ghost of eventuality that had crawled into their days when they were too busy being young; an aubergine shadow cast over their heads. Less than twenty days separated them from the first day of university and Zon was still unable to grasp that fact. How was he going to come back from this perfect life to the boredom of being trapped between four walls?

All the memories of the past weeks were playing in his head like an indie movie. Slow, carefree shots, a vintage effect on the frames and that one, particular song constantly playing in the background. He closed his eyes and dove into overlapping moments of midnight with chilled soda, sea breeze sunsets and whispers under the open sky.

The only actors of those summer scenes were the two of them, Saifah and him.

They were truly inseparable; spending almost every moment of that magical limbo between highschool and university together; sharing everything there was to share. He wasn't even able to count the movies they had seen, the games they had finished over sleepless nights and all the kisses that had led them to something more. Many times, however, they just laid down, too lazy to do anything at all and let their minds wander; dreaming about big things and making great plans that were bound to be forgotten on the next day.

That lazy feeling was present through most of the days. No responsibilities, no feeling of necessity. Only them, letting the sparkling sensation in their guts lead them through dusks and dawns, the feeling of freedom and endlessness fighting against the pressing urge to kiss like there was no tomorrow.

But just like the summer, every movie has to come to an end as well. And Zon wasn't sure if their story was going to have an autumn sequel.

He shifted on the bed, his cheek pressed to the pillow. Lights were dancing on Saifah's face, the whole spectrum of colours kissing his cheeks. He looked so serene in his shallow dream, his chest moving up and down under Zon's arm. His own body was still numb and sweaty, his muscles aching. He was tired, but it was a pleasant tiredness and he couldn't help but wonder: what if that was one of the last times they would share space so closely? What then?

The beauty of the summer flings in fiction was that they could've ended the story on the last day of vacation, just a fade-out seconds before the comeback to everyday life and it needed no decision, no resolution whatsoever. This was real life. No matter how much he didn't need any definition for himself, no matter how much he loved the vagueness of it, their small bubble was easy to maintain only when there were just the two of them.

And Tutor was coming back in two days.

His eyes moved to the bedside table and landed on the packs of condoms in two different sizes. During those couple of weeks they had tried so many things in so many configurations, trying to understand their likes and dislikes. Was it even possible for Zon to go back to being just friends and pretending like nothing had happened? It was so easy to switch between friends and lovers when there was no one else around, but that was going to change. Zon didn't need any big declarations or labels, but he knew he needed at least some clarification.

He brushed his fingers over Saifah's chest and placed a soft kiss on his shoulder. After so many times of sharing a bed, he could tell when his friend was sleeping and when he did not. And right now he was just laying with his eyes closed.

When Zon's lips touched the skin, Saifah pulled him into a tight embrace, still trying to fall asleep. But Zon knew it was now or never.

"Sai...?"