chase thoughts, dialogue and actions
noen thoughts dialogue and actions
other characters thoughts, dialogue and actions
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Whoops, I fell in love
Maybe I was just drunk
It makes me feel upside down and inside out
And I swear to God I'm freaking out
thought. mouth. - fidlar
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as the day went on my mind kept replaying last night and i was unable to get the image of him out of my head. flashes of the night replayed in my head and i could almost tee his lips on mine. fantasies of us together sprouted in my mind. us laying in bed, cuddling and watching moves with our legs intertwined. no noen stop. i wanted more .. no i needed it. what am i saying i'm with abby, she's the one i should be fantasying about . she's the one i want.. but if i want her why can't i help but think of him? it's probably because not many people take interest in me like him so i got attached and like him as a friend and it's okay to think about your friend occasionally. yeah it's totally and completely platonic. but this isn't normal because he just won't leave my damn mind. so in attempt to distract myself i called abby. i need to convince myself im still in love with her and these thoughts are just silly and insignificant. i listen to the phone ring until the second ring was interrupted by the sound of her voice.
"hey!" she said cheerfully. aww she's so
adorable . maybe i do still love her. but i just can't shake the image on chase and i being together, us going out and holding hands and laughing together, noen stop, stop , stop. you can't think these things.
"earth to noen?" my attention is brought back to the screen and to abby.
"you good?"
"ya.. mmhm sorry just zoned out."
"oh okay.. soo, how was your day ?"
"it was fine not much happened, i went to school i came home and avoided homework by making tiktoks. how was yours? has your dad been staying off your ass?" she asked concerned, abby is the only one who knows with her being my friend for so long and spending so much time with me it's almost impossible to hide it from her.
"yeah for the most part" i kept it short i hate talking about it.
"so what are you doing today i was thinking if you weren't busy maybe we could do something? she says nervously almost as if she were anticipating for her plans to be rejected.
"i'm not busy , wanna go out to eat and see a movie?"
"ya that sounds fun i'll be ready in 30 minutes!"
"okay see you then."
she came over and we spend some time figuring out what movie to watch and we decid on good boys. the next viewing isn't until seven so we have plenty of time to go get some dinner first. we go to this semi fancy restaurant. not really fancy per say but it wasn't applebee's. we spend the night talking and laughing and having a good time. i almost forgot how fun she is. she has been my best friend for as long as i can remember. we finish our dinner and she leaned in for a kiss. i reluctantly kissed her back and it wasn't terrible. but the thing that concerned me was that it was nowhere near as good as the kiss chase and i shared. and no matter how
much fun we had tonight and what we talked about my mind always wondered back to chase. i mean she's a good kisser done get me wrong. but it just didn't feel right, and with chase everything felt so perfect and i know how cliche this sounds but it felt almost magical , that's the only word i can find to describe it. i could tell she read the disappointment on my face and her face fell.
"are you okay? you seem.. distant."
"i'm fine."
"no none you're not, you've been acting weird all night since the face time call. i know you noen, what's up?"
"abby stop fucking prying! when i tell you i'm fine i'm fucking fine!" i say a little too harshly
"okay.. sorry." she says in a small voice, walking ahead of me to the car. i follow her and sit in the drivers seat, the car is filled with a stale, awkward feeling. and i was overcome with guilt. i was the one who cheated on her. i blew up on her and was rude for no reason. i'm such a horrible person.
"i'm sorry."
"it's fine."
"no..it's not. i'm sorry." i say looking over at her, reaching my hand over and resting it on her thigh, rubbing my thumb back and forth in attempt to comfort her and partly to comfort me. we made it to the movies and it was empty, so we sat in the middle of the theater. i could tell she expected me to make a move by the way she leaned close to me and kept looking over at me, at my lips. i pretended not to notice and kept my eyes fixed on the movie screen, for obvious reasons. but i did grab her hand and held it during the movie. the movie ended and on our way back to her house i decided i wanted monster so we pull into a gas station and got monsters and fruit gushers. we make it back to abbys house and lay in her bed and watch big mouth. i could really use a joint right now but annoys parents are strict and don't let us smoke in the house.
noen. he is perfect. in every way he doesn't deserve me, i'm me. he has a girlfriend though and they're happy and i have no chance. it's probably for the best though. but another thing i couldn't shake is his dad. i felt so horrible for him and i don't know what to do or how to help him. the entire day all i could think about was noen. anything i did to try to distract myself he always ended up finding a way into my mind. after a long day of trying to get him off my mind i decided i would face time him. maybe if i talk to him for a little bit it'll put my mind at ease. i listened to the rings as i waited for him to pick up.
"hi."
"hey! how are you?" i asked worried
"chase stop don't be worried about me and don't feel bad for me." he said talking a sip out of his monster
"okay right sorry i just- i care about you. anyways is that a monster? i fucking love monsters what's your favorite flavor?"
"definitely mango loco." he says holding up the can.
"what? no way that's my favorite too! twinsies" i joked causing him to laugh.
"shut up chase." he joked
"why bestie?" i joked back we were both smiling and laughing i loved it it makes me so happy to see his smile.
"because you're annoying. but anyways, look this is my favorite beat, i got him when i was like 5 and i sleep with him every night. and he liked monster too, see there's a monster stain on him." he smiled holding up a old beaten up bear, and hugging it. i smiled back at his rambling i love to hear his voice. and everything about him is just so adorable.
"so i was wondering if you wanted to hang out?" i asked, he was just about to reply until abby barges in.
"we are out of toilet paper so don't use the upstairs bathroom" she says cheerfully walking into the room. i could see noens expression drop and his mood shift. i couldn't quiet out my finger on what that was about though.
"oh sorry chase i've gotta go."
"you're face time if chase hudson?" she asked
"yup what about it?"
"nothing..? hey chase!"
"i heard you ask if he can hang. the three of us can hang if you want ?" she asked. fuck this is gonna be awkward.
"ya ill be over in 20." i replied
"see ya"abby says
"bye bye." he replied cutely. fuck i really am falling for this boy. god damn it fuck my life. falling for yet another person who doesn't feel the same. this surely isnt going to end up well. i change my clothes and after changing about 15 times i finally find the perfect outfit, i know what you're thinking chase what are you a girl why are you taking so long to choose a fuckibg outfit? don't judge me i just really wanna impress noen. yes i'm aware of how pathetic i am. i spray on my versace cologne and now i'm off to go hang out with my man crush and his girlfriend, how wonderful. i run downstairs and ask my mom for a ride and she complies. fuck i really need a car. i finally arrived and texted none i was here and abby greeted me at the door.
i brought chase up to noens room and i watched noens eyes light up as we walked in. but his eyes were fixed on chase and that sparkle in his eye is for him and not for me. he should be looking at me like that. i watched noen stare at chase with that vibrant look as they greeted each other. and in that moment, looking at how they look at each other i knew i had already lost noen. it all made sense now, the him being so distant and acting so weird. poor guys closeted. but i love him.. so much and i don't want to lose him. i love him and i will not go down without a fight. nobody especially not chase hudson infamous fuck boy chase hudson take noen away from me. i will teach noen to love me again and get rid of that filthy man whore.
