dear diary

chapter 1

dear diary,

today is my fifth 'first day' of high school, and somehow im still shitting bricks. how can one even be nervous after going through the same situation four times before?

im thinking it has something to do with the fact that im going in two months later than everyone else, but one never can truly know the answer to a question like this. fuck emotions, am I right? why feel at all if im gonna feel like shit, especially when im about to meet another round of new kids.

the last thing I need to do is embarrass myself, though that's pretty much a given at this point. im about as graceful as an elephant, all heavy legs and no sense of peripheral vision. at my last school, I lasted a whole five minutes before embarrassing myself, which was a new record. maybe this time it'll be different, ill last longer.

im going into this new school with a positive attitude, trying something new for a change. that outta spark some good karma, make the stars align in my benefit for once-

"Delaney, get out of bed! Its time to go, you're gonna be late," I slam my diary closed as I hear my mothers voice travel up the stairs and into my room.

"I'm up! Make me a waffle?" I reply, taking my tank top off and opening my closet, ready to begin the search for an outfit. Although for me, the search doesn't last long. I grab my favorite grey sweater and a pair of semi-ripped jeans, throw them on and walk downstairs.

"Oh, Lane, I really wish you would try a little harder. It's your first day, where's the spirit!" My mom points a disapproving finger at my outfit and shakes her head, the disgust on her face trying so hard to disguise itself.

"It's hardly my first day, mom, and to be honest, I stopped caring what I looked like when I had a 'first day' for the third time," I lamely throw back, the quotations around first day lingering as she shakes her head.

I grab my waffle off the plate on the counter and grab the car keys, rounding the island to give her a hug. "Well, not that this is anything new for you to hear, but have a good day and make friends!" She says cheerfully, despite knowing the words about to leave my own lips.

"Friends aren't and will never be something I'll have, mom. It's pointless, you know this. We hardly ever stay in one place for more than four months, there's no need to create bonds destined to be broken." At this she frowns, ready to respond with the same thing she always has.

"You never know Lane, this time could be different." I shake my head, knowing her statement was meant to be hopeful, but I know this time will be no different than the last four.

"I gotta get going, I'll see you later. Good luck at your interview!" I give her a kiss on the cheek and walk towards the door, grabbing my bag on the way.

"Love you, and please, just try to make friends? I have a good feeling about this place!" I grunt in response and close the door, jogging down the driveway to my jeep.

***

I park my car in the closest spot to the building I can snag, and let the engine hum for a few minutes after I stop. I turn the volume dial on the radio up, letting the song playing dance in my head before killing the engine and taking the keys out. I throw them in my backpack and open the door, hesitant to move my body out of its safe place.

The world buzzes around me, the students completely oblivious of the new car that just pulled in.

Invisibility, my favorite superpower.

I close the car door and throw my bag over my shoulder, walking towards what I assume to be the front doors. I close in on them, and go to grab the handle, but another hand beats me to it.