Gloria!
Tell me which of these songs with “Gloria” in the lyrics that you prefer, and I'll tell you something about yourself.
The 1954 song by the Cadillacs, with the haunting refrain, “Glo-o-ri-aaaaaa”: You are getting on in years. Your hair, if you have any left, has turned gray and your waistline is bigger than it used to be. Other drivers seem to blow their horns at you pretty often, for some reason.
The 1964 Van Morrison song, “I say G, L, O...” etc.: You're not so young anymore. Your hair is turning gray. You have to watch your waistline. But you're in better shape than Van Morrison.
The 1982 song popularized by Laura Branigan, “the voices in your head, calling Gloria...”: You are past the bloom of youth. You have some gray in your hair, which you are coloring. You have thought about making an effort to slim your waistline in preparation for that big high school reunion. Be careful when trying those disco moves.
The 1019 Gregorian chant, “Gloria”: You tend to wear dark colors and have a pronounced bald spot. In fact, you are a monk.
The traditional carol “Angels We Have Heard on High,” with its heavy-on-the-vowels refrain, “glo-o-o-o-o, o-o-o-o-o, o-o-o-o-o-o, REE AAA”: You are plump and jolly. You may have a long white beard, even if you are female. Red is definitely your color. Accessorize with a wide black belt, black boots, and a very large red velvet bag.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Mary Schwester is plump and jolly and lives in W-----.
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Confessions of a Full-Figured Gal
HumorA collection of short humorous pieces on subjects such as: the brassiere (Go Figure), songs containing the name Gloria (Gloria!), the relationship between Dr. Pepper and prune juice (Give Us This Day our Daily Fiber), and the ‘fifty shades’ phenomen...
