the concept of virginity has always been a weird one for me
what's the big deal? sex isn't as ground breaking as they make it out to be
at least that's what i thought
sprawled on sweat dampened sheets
my heartbeat mimicking your breathing
the lulling rise and fall of your chest
it's what i thought
as i felt your fingertips touch my skin,
sperm making its way down my spine
hah, i thought, what a sight to see
i looked at myself in the mirror
perched on your lap as you
washed away our "sins"
and i didn't look any different
the brief memories of
girls depicted in media
looking at their reflection,
looking for a difference,
it was all so stupid to me
some foreplay, penetration
won't alter your features
it's not visible, your sin
we shy away from the topic
of women losing their virginity
but we celebrate a man's
both successes are mundane
because carnal needs are just that
as humans, we
think we're so high and mighty
and are quick to judge a sinner
but you see,
there's more sinner than human
in our bodies,
my friend
the perverse nature of the human mind
cannot be dismissed
as people we should be aware
our mind is a criminal little thing
our ambitions and malice
surpass the dirty scene
in the back of a pickup truck—
nothing but another physical need
even now, as you tend to my sore skin
and the welts that almost became lacerations
and kiss the burn away,
i know your mind isn't here
your sin wasn't
the ravaging of my body
it was knowing you were my first
and revelling in the opportunity to soil me
and yet, my dear,
that's such a tame thought
compared to the ones of the people
right outside your door
calculating a perfect time to break into a home
pummeling in the face of the women
they swore they loved
hungrily staring at the nine year old play
there is always something so
inhuman about the hushed gossip
and the baseless threats
and the people acting upon them
after four orgasms,
i'm not claiming to be free of sin
but i recognise this scene
is nothing but flesh against flesh
however in your eyes
there is a glint that mirrors
the same baseless ambitions
of the humans beyond your door
i've lost my virginity tonight
but i've lost it many times before
because virginity is
nothing but a word that enables sinners
i lost it during a game of
7 minutes in heaven
in which 15 year old me
really wasn't sober
i lost it as i walked home
from fifth grade
and felt the men's leering eyes
chase me to my doorway
i lost it when my friend
came to campus in shambles
hair wet from trying to
wash away the hurt and shame
and each time,
i could see
the glint of satisfaction
in the sinners' eyes
the bliss that comes in knowing they see me as just another one of them
