The(questionable) burdens of leadership of a troll Emperor by Noodlehammer

Chapter 27

-So, I have received a few complaints about my "bashing" of religion and was seized by a sudden desire to espouse educationally on the topic of bashing in fanfiction. Please indulge me.

First, allow me to present an example of bashing.

Within weeks of the arrival of demonic looking aliens that were determined to spread their peaceful ways(by force if necessary), the religions of the world went completely batshit.

Every Muslim without exception suddenly and without provocation started stoning their women, marrying their children, decapitating infidels and demanding that Christmas be cancelled.

The Jews suddenly and without provocation decided that Egypt needed to pay for the oppression perpetrated on them in the old days and started bombing the shit out of it. Even more horrifying, the sick bastards started mutilating every penis they could get their hands on.

Europe suddenly and without reason went back to the dark ages. The Pope demanded that a new prepubescent boy be delivered to him and his posse in the Vatican every day. Witch burnings became a thing again. American rednecks started shooting their neighbours in the name of Jesus, oblivious as ever to the irony of such an act. Spain reformed the Spanish Inquisition and nobody expected it!

The above is a short and rather satirical example of some high quality bashing, the likes of which is frequently inflicted on Uchiha Sasuke and Ron Weasley in fanfiction.

But what is bashing?

Bashing is the act of exaggerating or outright making up negative characteristics of the bashed party and ignoring any good ones(if applicable), removing all depth and giving the impression that a certain thing or character exists solely for the purpose of being hated by the reader.

Now if you would cast your mind back to the previous chapter, you will note that I managed to restrain myself from doing this. No, I did not paint a flattering picture, but hark! There is a method to my madness.

Organized religion is – once you look past the hocus pocus – an organization much like any other. In fact, the Catholic Church could probably rename itself Biblebucks and start selling overpriced coffee called the Jesuspuccino and require minimal restructuring, though the success of such a venture is anything but certain. Any organization – be it a government, a company or a religion – has a way of doing things that they are accustomed to and do not like it if some random dude starts stomping around in their cabbage patch and will therefore react negatively to said stomping. This is what I tried to portray with as much accuracy as I could with my limited understanding of the organizations in question .

If you were simply upset that I showed a situation that had your religion of choice fading into obscurity with the lack of grace inherent in such things, then you are sad and I no longer wish to speak to you.

And now that I have taken the opportunity that the butthurt crybabies among you have given me to pad my word count while simultaneously dispensing some education, it is time to move on to the chapter proper.

Captain Noodlehammer awaaaaay!

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Henry Hayes let out a long and tired sigh as he sank into a comfortable armchair. The President of the United States sitting in the dark, drinking scotch by himself and generally wishing that he'd never run for the office was perhaps not the most inspiring image, but he couldn't quite make himself care right now.

Another day was over. Another day of his cabinet members and advisors listing problems that had no solutions. It would repeat itself tomorrow, but for now he could enjoy this moment of peace.