Part of Your World

The Calm Before

You're making this too easy, Mr. Volkov

I pinched my eyes shut against the blocky words that flittered in my mind's eye, sweat pooling between my shoulder blades.

You thought I was gone, Volkov?

I growled, tearing open my eyes to the darkness as I thrust, hardly able to control my anger, my fear, my despair. Only one thing could bring me back from the edge of such a cliff, and she was currently sprawled below me, surrendered, in her own world of ecstasy. Her face contorted, a look I knew all too well now. I dropped down onto my elbows, slipping one arm around her waist and cementing her to me. I couldn't lose her. If I did, I knew I'd lose myself. Not in a petulant, child-like tantrum. I would simply give up caring, would turn once more into that cold, calculating man with no heart—the man I'd become after Violet's death.

Her small hands tangled in my hair, her lips pressing to my collarbone. We'd been home for a few weeks, and I'd yet to tell a soul about what had happened. I knew what move needed to be next, and I knew I'd have to go it alone. In the meantime, I would fill every spare moment with her, giving her more love and adoration than I thought myself capable.

Her grip on me tightened, and I increased my pace, coaxing her over the edge again. We'd been at this for hours, and an insane part of me wanted to keep going, to never leave this bed, worried every time she got up that it would be the last time I saw her. She panted beneath me as I slowed, pressing my lips to her forehead. She grinned up at me, but her smile soon faltered as I continued to push into her, her brows furrowing in concern. She tapped my arm twice.

"Just one more time?" I pleaded. She tilted her head to the side, swollen lips falling open, betraying her worry.

Are you alright? she mouthed. I flashed her a grin, but I knew she could see beyond my facade.

"I can't get enough of you," I whispered, nipping at her nose. She gave a small smile, blushing. I knew I'd need to get this over with for her benefit; the bags under her eyes and the way she passed out every night was proof I'd been pushing her past her physical limits. I pulled her up, careful not to break our connection as I paced to the bathroom. She sagged in my arms, resting her forehead on my shoulder, barely able to keep her legs around my hips.

I cranked on the shower, stepping us into the swirling steam and cascading water. I pressed her up against the wall, bringing my lips to her neck—I knew this was her favorite. It wouldn't take me much longer. I gripped her hips, her head falling back as I kept up a deep, slow pace. Her nails bit into my back, her bluish eyes fluttering open to find mine.

"Go, baby," I encouraged. It didn't take her long, her mouth falling open, her eyes shuttered tight. I growled, riding through her tightening before I spilled myself in her once more, uncaring that she'd stopped the pill, for we'd agreed on tracking her cycle instead. She was forever mine. She sagged in my arms, tucking her face into the crook of my neck as I ran my hands up and down her sides and back. I pressed a kiss to her cheek, hugging her tight to me.

She found my eyes, giving me a sheepish grin before she stifled a yawn. I chuckled.

"Let's clean you up and get to bed," I said. She nodded as I let her down, but before I could move to help her, she wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed me tight. I was surprised, for normally she only sought me out in bed, still too demure to initiate much physical contact. I reached down, cupping her cheeks, bringing her gaze to mine.

"Did I...was that too much?" I asked, feeling like an asshole. She shook her head, giving me a reassuring smile, before she pointed to my chest. I captured her hand, holding it there against my still-thumping heart.