Scars (Sequel to Cuts) - Kellic // boyxboy

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Vic

A small thump coming from the closet wakes me up. I sit up tiredly, stretching and rubbing my eyes. Noting that Kellin is no longer sleeping next to me, I assume it's him.

I get the sense that it's late in the afternoon and kick myself for falling asleep. I was supposed to watch Kellin all night to make sure he didn't throw up in his sleep.

I hear more shuffling coming from the closet leaving me confused. What is he doing?

"Kell?" I call.

The shuffling stops, then Kellin emerges not a moment later, holding a duffle bag. I take note of his tired eyes and fallen expression. My poor darling.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I ask softly.

He shrugs and looks down at his hands, his messy hair falling in front of his face. I tap the spot on the bed next to me, encouraging him to sit, so he places the bag down then walks over to the bed. He sits on the edge of the mattress and glances at me but doesn't look me in the eye.

"We need to talk." he says softly.

Those four words make my heart near jump out of my chest. I nod, encouraging him to continue. He takes my hand, squeezing it gently, so I squeeze back with reassurance. He looks to me, his eyes sad and desperate.

"I need you to tell me what is going on with you, with us. Please, just be honest with me." he pleads softly.

I swallow dryly. He's so run down and he just relapsed, I don't want to add to that. 

"Nothing, Kells. Everything's fine, I promise." I assure him. 

I expect for him to seem at least a little bit relieved but he looks the exact opposite. It's as if any hope that was left in his eyes just fades away, leaving him empty. 

He nods, dropping my hand and his Adam's apple rises in his throat as he swallows. Tears well in his eyes but he blinks them away.

"Okay," he whispers. "I guess that settles in then."

"Settles what?" I ask confused and worried.

"We need to spend some time apart." he says quietly.

It's like the world freezes for a second in time. I blink at him alarmed, confused and scared.

"What do you mean?" I whimper.

"I meant what I said last night, Vic." he sighs, rubbing his temple. "I'm done with this. I'm done with you lying to me. I'm done with you not giving a shit. I'm done with giving this relationship my all and getting nothing in return."

"So, what? This is it? You want a divorce?" I choke out, trying hard to fight off my tears.

"No! I mean, I don't know. I don't know, Vic. I'm going to stay with Jenna and Tay for awhile. You need to figure out what you want." he says, his voice cracking.

"Kells, you don't have to leave. We can work this out. Please don't leave. I don't want you to go." I beg.

"You don't care, Vic. Stop acting like you care." Kellin says tiredly. "I have tried to work this out with you, multiple times, and again no more than a minute ago. You lied straight to my face. You're always fucking lying to me." 

I go quiet, unsure of what I can say to make this better. He hates me. He really fucking hates me.

A tear falls down his cheek but he quickly wipes it away. I hate that I've made him cry, again.

"What if," he pauses seeming hesitant. "What if I cheated on you last night? Would you even care?"

"Did you?" I ask alarmed.

Kellin shrugs. "Does it matter?"

My heart sinks to my stomach.

"I care, Kellin. I really do." I stress. "I'm just tired."

"Tired of what, Vic? Me? This relationship?" he snaps.

I want to tell him the truth. I'm tired of hurting the people I love, I'm tired of waking up every day, I'm tired of being alive. But I don't say any of that because I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to guilt him into staying when he clearly wants to leave.

"What can I do?" I ask desperately. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to want me!" he exclaims, bursting into tears.

"I do want you, Kellin. Of course I want you. This is me fighting for you. What more do you need me to do? What am I not doing?" 

I reach for his hand but he quickly pulls it away. We sit in silence for a few more minutes then Kellin looks at me tearfully.

"Maybe it's just too late. My sobriety is already broken, my heart is already broken, why weren't you fighting for me weeks ago?"

He looks as broken as I feel. I want to keep arguing with him, keep fighting for him, but I'm just wearing him down more. He's already given up on us. Maybe I should just let this go. All I do is make him miserable.

I push down my own feelings and remind myself of my priorities.

"I just want you to be happy." I whisper. A small part of me hopes that he decides happiness is here with me, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

He just nods and wipes his cheeks before standing from the bed. He goes back over to the duffle bag and I suddenly realize its purpose. He starts picking clothes up from the bedroom floor and stuffing them into the bag. Then he grabs a few more things like shoes, his phone charger and toiletries from the bathroom.

I watch helplessly, as he packs away our life together, readying to leave me on my own for the first time in over a decade.

After a few minutes, Kellin's text tone goes off and I hear a car honk from the driveway. Jenna must be here.

He sighs and finally looks back at me. His eyes soften and fill with tears once again. He walks over to me and takes my tear-stained face in his hands. He places a long and gentle kiss on my forehead.

"I love you, that's never going to change. Call me when you're ready to talk, like, actually talk." he murmurs.

A tear slides down my face as I consider this might be the last time I'm hearing those words, the last time I'm feeling his kiss, the last time I see him.

He brushes his thumb against my cheek, wiping away my tear, before he finally lets go of me.

He picks up the bag and takes it with him as he leaves the room. I listen to his footsteps as they slowly disappear down the stairs and out the front door. I hear Jenna's car drive away, then he's gone.

I sit on the bed stunned. I just lost everything. I officially have nothing left.

With nothing to keep me here and everything telling me to go, I decide maybe it's my time to leave too.