a louis to go, please! » stylinson au

6: bad dreams?

TW!

harry was so done with everything by the time the notebook ended. louis was already asleep. he complained about how 'boring this fucking movie is, fucking bullshit' and ten minutes later, he fell asleep.

oh, not to forget to mention, on harry's shoulder. poor boy got a heart attack when louis' head fell on his shoulder. just seconds later he started snoring.

niall smirked and snapped a picture when liam excused himself to go to the bathroom. harry started working on a plan to murder niall by now.

the irish lad was quite oblivious to the taller one's thoughts and kept smirking at them.

with a yelp, louis jerked up from harry's shoulder and looked around niall's room. liam immediately rushed to his side and pulled him into a hug. "just a dream, lou" he whispered and softly rocked them back and forth.

louis clung onto liam's hoodie and blankly stared at the wall with teary eyes. harry and niall just looked at the two with confused looks on their faces.

liam didn't paid attention to the two and just continued to calm down his best friend. louis didn't even took notice of harry or niall.

just five minutes later when he calmed down a bit, he blinked rapidly and slowly loosened his grip around liam.

harry didn't knew what happened, but he was nearly 100 percent sure that it was nothing good.

there were no words to describe the expression on louis' face. it was somewhat horrified, then again emotionless. the only sign of emotions were his teary eyes.

it seemed like it happens a lot because liam knew exactly what to do. the two were closer than harry thought.

louis excused himself to the bathroom and hurried out of the room. liam sighed and dropped his gaze to the floor.

he hated seeing louis like this. it hurt himself too. louis didn't had to the best life, it doesn't matter that he is the football captain, his life was everything but easy. it never was and never will be.

"what..?" niall started but cut himself off. liam looked up again and smiled sadly. "happens quite a lot" he said quietly and shrugged, shoulders hanging low.

"bad dreams?" harry asked slowly and tried not to ask any too private question. liam hesitated a bit before nodding slowly. "yeah" he nearly whispered.

you could cut the tension. nobody knew what to say. harry and niall never would've guessed that louis isn't always his sassy and happy self.

but - isn't everyone kind of pretending to be someone they are not? isn't everyone hiding their real selves? whether it's because they're ashamed or afraid, or maybe even both, it's hurting you. and it's killing you inside.

the incredible pain of not openly showing yourself, not being you. smiling when you feel like dying, laughing when you feel like crying, staying when you want to leave, talking when you want to stay silent, being outside when you want to stay inside.

it hurts. and everyone knew that. the boys knew it, you know it and i know it, too.

a big question is if the hiding and the pretending will ever stop. it won't happen from today to tomorrow. life isn't that easy.

life will always be a little stronger than you are. life will always punch hard and you will always fall onto the ground. it's your choice whether you take the hits or fight against it. whether you save your energy to punch back harder, or to give up.

many people give up, way too many people. and i think you would be lying if you never ever just thought of giving up.

it seems easy, right? just leaving. but it's not, right? it's not easy. it's hard. there will be regrets. there are things you desperately want to happen and not want to miss. what if, what if, what if?

louis buried his face in his hands and tried not to sob loudly. "what if? what if? what if?" he repeated quietly and trembled badly while crying.

he gritted his teeth and hit the back of his head on the wall. "what if i stay? what if i don't?" he asked himself and pressed his hand on his left wirst.

"stay" he whispered to himself and closed his eyes. "i want to leave" louis said and opened his eyes again, the light of the bathroom suddenly seeming way too bright.

"i can't" he whimpered, lips trembling while he squeezed his eyes shut and allowing more tears to slip. a loud sob escaped his mouth.

louis opened his eyes again and put his hand in front of his eyes, muffling his sobs.

he hated breaking down like this, especially when he has to be quiet. all louis wanted was to scream all the pain out and not have to worry about other people. when he was alone and could cry his eyes out and nobody would care, nobody would even notice.

louis' head already hurt from all the crying and it will be obvious that he cried when he gets out of the room. doesn't matter, liam understands. what about niall? the other boy? louis heard his name once or twice already but he kept forgetting it. something with h?

his head was spinning when he tried to get up, his legs felt like they were made of pudding. he was shaking, trembling and could barely stand.

"stop crying" he said to himself and shakiky breathed in. "you got this." louis wanted to unlock the door, but his eyes still hurt. there was no way that the tears will stop any time soon.

"stay, stay, stay, stay" louis kept repeating, "don't leave, don't leave, don't leave." he bit on his lip and shook his head. no, no, no, no.

he sunk down to the ground again, pulling his hair and once again trying to stay quiet. it hurt. louis didn't even knew exactly what hurt, it just did.

hell, he didn't actually know if it was pain he was feeling. it was like feeling everything and nothing at all. it was like carrying the world on his shoulder, and it was too much weight to handle. and he was breaking down. again.

he knew that he couldn't keep going like this. it was nearly impossible. i mean, imagine being louis right now. what would you do?

you have great friends, you're popular, you're in a happy relationship, you have a family who loves you and everything is great, everything is fine. except for you. because you are not fine, you are not okay.

you are crying yourself to sleep every night, you balance three jobs at the same time and have to pay rent and the medicine for your sick mom. you have to keep up good grades and stay fit because of football.

you are pretending to be fine everyday, you smile the brighest and laugh the loudest. you make the most and best jokes and keep entertaining other people. you keep walking, you keep telling yourself "one more step" when there is a mountain to climb in front of you. and the worst thing is, you know it all.

the mountain is clear, you can see it clearer than anything else. you know that you have to walk a little further, a little more than just one step, your walk will take longer and it will keep getting harder to keep going.

your legs feel tired, your feet and head and heart hurt, your hands are shaking, your wrists are bleeding, your eyes are watery, your cheeks cold and your body feels heavy.

would you keep going? could you keep going?

louis didn't know what he was doing anymore. every step felt a little heavier, every word hurt his throat a little more and every smile breaks his heart and makes him cry.

was it all even worth it? being happy for everyone but himself?

that was what sucked. he wanted to leave. it was just that he had his family. what about his mom, his sisters? what would they do? their mom was unable to got to work. his sisters wouldn't have a home.

it was the people he stayed for, the people that he loved and loved him back. but he knew that if he was in a sea, a rock tied up to his feet and pulling him down, he wouldn't fight it. he wouldn't fight the darkness.

louis was stuck. and he knew it. and he hated it.

hope you enjoyed?
sorry, this is sad. happy is not an option right now. idk what it is anymore :D

[ wc: 1446 ]