Half A Heart

Chapter 23

“Jessica,” I stumble slightly when I hear his voice and I don’t know why but my feet don’t stop moving.

“Jess...” His voice sounds desperate and I suddenly stop, turning to face him.

“I have to tell you something,” Louis sighs loudly, “And I wasn’t going to tell you because I thought everything would be fine if I just pushed you away and pretended to hate you but Jess, it really isn’t. Because now matter how selfish it is of me, I have to tell you because I can’t do this without you.”

A soft gasp escapes my lips. So did he mean what he said or not because I’m really confused right now.

“I-I...” I stutter, trying to find the right words to say.

“Shhh,” he whispers, taking a step towards me cautiously.

“Louis... You hurt me so badly,” I bite my lip, tears brimming on my eyes again.

“I got a girl pregnant,” his words catch me off guard.

“I’m sorry, what?” I say, taken aback.

“I didn’t know what I was doing and I just... She gave birth and I ran away to the X Factor and never spoke to her again,” he explains.

I don’t know why but this really hurts for some reason. But it was before. He was on the X Factor when he was sixteen, so that means if he ran away right when the child was born... The child... Louis’ child... Is now four or five years old?

“Why are you telling me this?” I manage to ask, his eyebrows furrowing together.

“W-well I want to be honest with you... And I’m leading up to the reason I said all of that,” he mutters, making me nod and wait for him to carry on.

“And I’ve been running away from that mistake for years now... Trying to hide from it. But you can’t just run away from your problems and expect them to disappear. Not saying the child himself is a problem, just that... Well, you get what I mean... I’ve actually never met him,” he continues.

“But then I got an anonymous phone call telling me that they knew about my child and that the public would find out if I didn’t do what they said... They told me to meet up with them and I did but I couldn’t see who they were in the dark... They basically asked for two thousand dollars and I gave them that. Then at the bowling alley, Stacy whispered ‘do what I say or they find out’ and only then did I remember the voice of the person and realised it was her,” I don’t know what to make of this information...

“It gets worse,” he promises, making me cringe.

“So um... I agreed to all of that stuff she said and then I thought that if I dragged you along in all of this, you’d be in danger. She had already managed to get two thousand dollars and a date out of me, honestly I’d do anything to keep him under the radar. Not because I’m a coward, which I am, but mainly because I don’t want him to grow up in that kind of environment... I guess I got scared and did what I thought was right. I thought that if they public found out about Joshua while I was dating you, the hate and rumors and lies would multiply and you’d be dragged under...”

I stumble backwards slightly, trying to keep balance.

“Are you mad?” His voice is barely audible and I finally look up to meet his gaze.

“About what? I’m mad that you didn’t tell me. But I kind of understand I think. And I can’t be mad about something you did before you met me, that’s just not fair,” I say reasonably.

“Thank you,” he cuts me short and I shake my head.

“But,” I start, his eyes widening, “It’s a lot for me to process and I think I just need a bit more time to think about all of this.”

He nods slowly, tears on the brims of his eyes. I lean forward and kiss him on the cheek, feeling his stubble against my lips.

“We can talk once I’ve processed it all,” I reassure him, turning to walk away again but his words stop me.

“Promise you won’t leave me?” He sounds so vulnerable and it makes me want to just run up and kiss him... But I can’t. Because right now I’m not thinking straight and I just need to get my head around this. So instead I just nod and walk away.