Half A Heart

Chapter 12

A/N: I got rid of most of the drama because I am a drama queen but even I thought it was too much! So yeah, this is the toned down version. 

“Hey Jessie,” Harry grins at me as I meet up with all of them at Costa (yeah no more starbucks... It’s too overpriced and mainstream). “Did you get my text?” I ask all of them, my hair in a messy bun and my shirt looking like I got it from a homeless person.

They all look at me concerned while Louis and Niall check their phones. “I just read it this morning,” Liam frowns, Zayn mumbling a ‘same’. “I lost my phone, remember? What was it about?” Harry questions, sitting down across from Liam.

I sit next to Harry in the last seat available, picking at my fingers. “Um... Well it was no big deal, I just couldn’t sleep,” I shrug. They all nod and our coffees are placed in front of us by a waitress. “You look like shit, by the way,” Harry grins, looking me up and down.

I roll my eyes, laughing slightly, “Yeah well I haven’t slept in three days and I wasn’t bothered to change the whole time...” I rub my eyes tiredly. “Wait so you’ve been awake, in those same clothes, for 72 hours?” Niall pouts.

“Yeah... Well either awake or... You know what, it doesn’t matter, let’s just be happy,” I fake smile, sipping my coffee. Niall, Zayn and Liam look down at their drinks; Harry looks out of the window and Louis keeps his eyes fixed on me, looking concerned.

“Hey, um, I actually have to go,” I state. “Why, you just got here!” Liam tilts his head in confusion. “There’s just... Stuff I have to do,” I lie, standing up and rushing out of the door. I grab my coffee and begin to speed walk away, pulling my phone out of my pocket.

‘On my way home..’I text Valerie, speed walking towards my house. My eyes get droopy and I walk straight into a pole. Talk about embarrasing... Rubbing my forehead, I continue to walk, pulling my hood over my head.

Tears roll down my cheeks and my body shakes slightly from my sobbing. I just start crying at random times and I don’t even know why... Probably because I haven’t been sleeping. I hate sleeping. Because I hate nightmares.

Especially the one I’m having now. My feet drag along the ground and I probably look like a zombie. If I wasn’t drinking this coffee I’d probably wonder into traffic. Even now I might. Accidentally or on purpose, both are just as likely.

I hate this. It’s only been three days since I read that tweet. It’s only been three days since I started having these nightmares. It’s only been three days since I last showered and changed my clothes. But it feels like it’s been years.

Every night I lie awake staring at the ceiling and force myself to keep my eyes open. If my eyes close for a second, I fall asleep and if I fall asleep, it happens. So yeah, I guess you could say the last three days have been hell.

And the way things are looking, so will the rest of my life. I don’t even know why I went to meet the boys, I haven’t left the house this whole time and honestly, now I realise that staying in was a good idea. So that’s what I’ll do for the rest of my life...

I should get an apartment. That way when my mom gets back, she doesn’t force me to get out of bed. A sudden rush of adrenalin pumps through me at at the the mere thought of getting my own place, making me have a skip in my step again.

Wiping my eyes, I rush home, grabbing my laptop and searching the area for apartments. Ok I want to look at that one, and that one... Ooh and that one looks nice, I should check it out along with- UGH. This is too much.

I groan, shutting my laptop and flopping down on my bed, beginning to cry again.

~*~

It’s been one week.

Louis visited me three times, and he kept trying to get me to ‘come out of my cocoon’, whatever that means. Well I guess he meant it literally... ‘Cause I’ve been literally sitting in a blanket cocoon, staring at the wall. And that is what I’m doing right now.

And that is what Louis is doing right now, too. “Jess, get up!” He huffs, frowning at me. I ignore him, like I do everyday, and he seems pretty pissed off about it. “Stop fucking ignoring me! Get the fuck up! Why are you so... Depressed?!” He finally snaps.

For the first time, I look over at him, my eyes widening in shock. He looks AWFUL. Like almost as bad as me! His hair is like a birds nest, he has slight black circles under his eyes, he looks like he hasn’t shaved in a while and his clothes are scruffy.

“I can’t do it,” My voice cracks, his lips parting as he stands there shocked, “I’m s-so tired... But I- well I j-just can’t sleep... I d-don’t want to s-see it a-again.” He rushes over and sits right in front of me, holding both my hands.

“See what again?” He whispers, leaning his forehead on mine. “See my real mom,” I mumble, the first tear in four days slips my eye. Now I’m hurting. For the first time. These past few days I’ve just felt numb but now I’m in pain. Too much pain.

But I guess it’s better than feeling nothing at all. He looks as if he doesn’t know what to say and he furrows his eyes in confusion. “What?” He finally stutters out. I wrap my arms around his neck, burying my head into his chest, letting the tears flow out.

He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. “It’s going to be okay,” He coos, rubbing circles in my back. I shake my head, sobbing loudly, “No it isn’t. I-I’m so t-tired.” He slowly leans back on the bed so I’m lying on top of him and drapes the blanket over both of us.

“Then go to sleep,” He whispers, stroking my hair gently, “And I’ll stay right here.”