2.0 The Chronicles of Us - Shame & Blame

Chapter twenty-one

*♡ Ellie ♡*

With a cup of coffee in hand, I stare out the window. The sun is shining ... for now. Untroubled people stroll down the street. They smile, hold hands, point at noteworthy things and have an overall pleasant time. Unlike me. Maybe I should go for a run, soak up some of that vitamin D. Apparently, it can make you happy. Instead, I slump down a little more and sip my bitter brew. It's going to rain anyway.

Last week didn't go too well. Maybe it was the wedding or maybe it was the insomnia. Either way, I had a little breakdown. My unstoppable tears scared Jonathan so much, he dragged me to the doctor's office. I was given a prescription of sleeping pills and the advice to take some rest. Jonathan cancelled all my plans, including the night of fun we were supposed to have yesterday. He stayed with me. Like a worried father, he wrapped me in a blanket and watched a Spanish telenovela with me. I appreciated it but at the same time, I felt incredibly guilty for taking away his night out.

Jonathan slumps down next to me. "Staring out the window like a crazy person again?"

I shift my weight to face him and smile. "I think it's time to adopt a cat or ten. We both know I'll end up as a crazy cat lady."

He scrolls on his phone. "You don't even like cats."

"Well, I don't hate them, but I do prefer dogs."

"As much I enjoy this conversation—" His eyes meet mine for a second. "—I'd rather hear about your night. Did you sleep well?"

I take another sip of my coffee before answering. I could lie so he won't be worried, but I don't want to lie to Jonathan. That's not the way our friendship works. "I think I fell asleep around five and then a nightmare woke me a little after eight."

With his hand on my knee and his eyes still on his phone, he says, "Thought so. Not even that thick layer of foundation you smeared under your eyes hides the dark circles. Didn't the pills work?"

No lies.

I try to hide my voice by speaking into my cup. "I didn't take them."

His head snaps up. "El! Sleep deprivation is no joke. I looked it up. It can lead to a whole bunch of health problems. You need to start taking them."

A long sigh falls from my lips. "I know, I know. It's just hard to decide what's worst, the insomnia or the nightmares."

He squeezes my leg decisively. "I'm spending the night here, so you're gonna take one of those pills and when you have a nightmare, I'll be right beside you."

It seems I'm unable to solve my own problems. Medication might be the only solution to prevent me from getting a one-way ticket to loony town.

I nod. "Okay, I'll give them a try tonight."

He pats my knee and leans back, returning his attention to the device in his hand. "Good."

My body is tired, but I'm wide awake. Not sure what to do, I just watch as Jonathan smiles at his phone. Maybe he's chatting with Aaron? It's good to see him this happy. However, his smile suddenly drops into a frown. A frown that grows deeper by the second.

"What is going on?" I ask, leaning forward a bit to peek at his phone.

Caught off guard by my sudden closeness, he holds the screen to his chest. "Nothing. It was a ... dickpic."

"Then why did you frown?"

His eyes are moving around as if they're trying to find an answer to my question. "It was a sad one. Like really sad."

Hmm.

Why do I have the feeling his being untruthful? "Let me see. I've never seen a sad sausage."

He shakes his head quickly. "No, you're a far too innocent for this. It will only add to your nightmares."

"Jonathan!" I try to grab his phone, but he has long arms. "You're lying to me. You've already shown me more slug-shots than I dare to admit. What are you hiding?"

He sighs deeply. "All right, but I was only trying to protect you."

From what?

I take his phone from him. A picture of Tex fills most of the screen. He's standing on a stage, shouting into the microphone with a wild audience beneath him. Despite the fact that my heart starts galloping, there's nothing unusual about this photo. It could've been taken during any one of their shows.

"I don't get it. What's so—"

"Read the article underneath."

Rock band 'Dead Engines Running' shakes up late night San Francisco with a spectacular performance. The Music Factory's mystery headliner did not disappoint. Their new material promises for an interesting second album. Did the heartthrob metalhead find a happier groove?

My lonely heart cries and so do I. My words are barely understandable but between sobs, I manage to say, "It was him. He was here in San Francisco."

Jonathan pulls me into a tight hug, pressing my face against his chest. "I'm so sorry. If I had known or even suspected he would be on that stage, I would've carried you to that concert myself."

I take a little trip to fantasyland. I imagine myself standing in the crowd, watching him. What would've happened if our eyes had met? Magic? I'm certain that I would've exploded with sheer love like a confetti cannon. What if he had pretended to not even know me? That would've been unbearable.

I sniffle. "It's probably better this way."

Jonathan groans. "God, even a pigheaded mule is easier to move than you are. I'm still undecided whether to applaud your level of determination or to slap some sense into you. I'm thinking the latter, though."

Through my tears, I chuckle. Jonathan is the brightest beacon in any darkness. "What would I do without you?"

A fake shudder runs down his back. "I can't even imagine how horrible a life that would be."

Me neither.

I ease out of his embrace. "I think I'm okay now."

He wipes the pooled tears from under my eyes. "Let's do something fun. Sitting here all day won't do you any good."

I kiss his cheek. "Sure, let's distract my hopeless mind. I just have to change clothes."

Jonathan follows me to the bedroom and leans against the doorframe. "For someone who never sleeps, you're in pajamas a lot."

Ha-ha.

My fingers rummage through a heap of unfolded laundry. "That's because I'm a lazy person."

"You don't say." I don't need to look at him to know he's rolling his eyes. "With all these waking hours you could at least clean up your room. Hoarders live nicer than you do."

Cleaning is not exactly on my mind when I lie awake with the company of all my regrets and mistakes. I'm not about to bring the mood again, though. "Instead of making fun of me, why don't you tell me what kind of fun you have in mind."

He looks over my head while I wriggle myself in a pair of skinny jeans. "I haven't been to the gallery yet to see your work. How about we go check it out? Give your confidence a boost."

"Okey-dokey." I slip on a baby blue blouse and give my hair a quick brush while Jonathan gathers his things.

As we make our way to the galley, he tells me about Aaron's new art project. I vaguely hear him mention that he offered to be a nude model. He's like Tex in that way, unashamed about his physique. There's always something that brings me back to Tex. Mentally, I mean. A word, smell, sound ... everything reminds me of him. Did he walk here last night? Were we at the same place but at a different time?

♡♡♡♡

A/N

Next update will take a few days. It has to be perfect 😉😉😉

X Dionne