2.0 The Chronicles of Us - Shame & Blame

Chapter twenty-three

*♡ Ellie ♡*

My feet obey his demand and take me away from him. Did this really happen? Was he really here? An insomnia-driven illusion would make more sense. I cross the street running and find cover from the rain underneath the big tree that stands at the east entrance of the museum park. I might as well keep going, I'm already drenched from head to toe. The second I halt, the tears I hid roll freely down my cheeks. My legs are shaking so bad, I need to sit down on the metal bench to keep myself from falling apart completely.

He was so angry at me. I knew he would be. He said it himself, I ruined him. I added nothing good to his life. If I had known beforehand, I would never have gotten on that tour bus. His happiness is the only thing that truly matters to me. It was stupid and selfish of me to follow him. He clearly didn't want that. I messed up his day when he only wanted to get some breakfast for him and his girlfriend.

His girlfriend.

The empty hole in my chest hurts more than ever. To muffle my terrible wails, I pull up my knees and press my face into them.

"Birdie?"

Oh no.

He can't see me like this. I don't have the strength to keep pretending. With an occasional sniffle, I hold back my cries. "How did you find me?"

"I think the whole of San Francisco heard you cry." He doesn't sound angry anymore, he sounds exhausted.

My voice lacks strength when I say, "You didn't have to come here for me. I just need a moment to pick myself up."

"I didn't expect to you to walk away."

"You told me to go."

He scoffs mildly. "Yeah, and since when do you listen to me? You never fucking listen."

Not sure how to respond, I hug my knees a little tighter. I don't dare to look at him, so I keep my eyes on his black sneakers. He doesn't move. He just stands there.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," he finally says. "That wasn't right. I don't wanna be that kinda guy."

I put my feet on the ground and lift my eyes a little bit. Not to his face, but to his waist. "It's okay. I shouldn't have sprung myself on you."

His feet shuffle like he's debating something internally. Is it awfully selfish if I wish for him to stay a little longer? Some silent seconds later, he says, "I just need to know one thing. After that, I'll leave you alone."

My heart cracks with every word. "Okay, ask me."

"Was it all a lie?"

"What do you mean?"

"The love, the whispered words in the dark, the passionate fucking," he sums up intensely. "Was it all a lie?"

I should lie to him so he leaves, but I can't do that. My heart would never allow me to speak such dishonesties. "It was all real." I meet his eyes. "I loved you more than physically possible."

The emotion on his face overthrows me. In a mere second, it shifts from pain to calmness to sadness. He sits down next to me but keeps an electricity-laced distance between us. The fact that he hasn't left yet does things to my heart I haven't felt in a long time.

He clears his throat. "I loved you too."

What now?

My heart picks up the pace, healing me with every beat. Just to make sure I wasn't imagining it, I ask, "You did?"