2.0 The Chronicles of Us - Shame & Blame

Chapter twenty-nine

*♡ Ellie ♡*

Today was a good day. I strolled through the Japanese Tea Garden to shoot some pictures. Nothing special. Just some snapshots of ordinary life—happy people enjoying each other's company; children horsing around; and lovers getting a little frisky behind the pagoda.

Before Tex and I got back together, I steered away from capturing everyday life. I couldn't relate. I couldn't imagine life ever truly being warm again. Now that love brightens my days once again, I can't wait to find out what life has in store for me, but more importantly ... for us.

I get comfortable against the headboard of my bed with my laptop on my lap and a steaming cup of hot cocoa in my hand. This time, I did add whipped cream and tiny marshmallows. My days of self-punishment are over. Last time, Tex nearly caught on to my strange reaction. That can't happen again.

With a warm smile on my face, I take one last look at the elderly couple in front of me. It's a beautiful photo. Though, that has less to do with my skills and more with the way they only have eyes for each other. Will Tex and I still look at one another like that when we're old and gray? I believe so.

There's still a lot to figure out. I know we have to take it easy, but I miss him so, so much. I longingly look back to the days when we lived together. The good days, of course. Living with him felt as natural as breathing. Effortlessly, almost. Unfortunately, that chapter is closed but thankfully, we found a way to open up a new one. How will we fill those pages?

I glance at the clock and close the editing application. It's close to midnight. Too late to call Tex? I meant to call him earlier but got sucked into work. He's not an early sleeper and I still have nighttime troubles. Reuniting with Tex didn't solve my insomnia. The nightmares are actually worse than they were before. Not only do past events haunt me, but also my possible future wrongdoings. It's not that I think my nightmares will become reality, but every day I wake with unwelcome thoughts.

Did I grow enough as a person?

Did I learn from my mistakes?

Am I worthy this time?

I don't want to feel this way. Especially not with the knowledge that Tex loves me. I want to be strong and healthy for him. I want to be everything he deserves.

I grab his shirt from under my pillow and inhale his scent. It's soothing, to say the least, but I need more. My phone screen shows me his handsome face when I tap the screen.

He answers my call on the second ring. "Hey, Birdie. What's up?"

His voice makes me feel better immediately. "Hi! I hope I didn't wake you."

I hear the clattering thud of keys being tossed on a wooden surface. "No, just got home. I sincerely wonder why Roy keeps inviting us all over for dinner. He can't cook for shit. Maybe it's a mid-life crisis thing."

I chuckle, amused with the way he speaks. "Sounds like fun. Wish I was there."

"Yeah, me too." He stays silent for a second. "Maybe next time?"

Doubt clenches my gut. What do Joey and Axel think of me? And Roy? How much do they know? "Um, yes, that sounds great."

He opens the fridge audibly and asks, "What have you been up to today?"

"Nothing much. I spent the day at the park to take photos."

"All right, send me some. I wanna see them."

"Hold on." I put my phone down for a moment and select the best photos before emailing them to him. "Did you get them?"

"Slow piece of shit ... " He cusses at his laptop, I assume, and then says, "Yeah, got them."