I was one of five women chosen to serve our country, fighting side by side with the men, and only some of us had come home. Being surrounded by friends and enemies, having to choose who you can save, who you can love, and how to survive is something...
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The next morning, I woke up feeling different toward the world - as if I transformed overnight. After everything that happened, I felt it was in my best interest - and for those around me - to keep at a distance. I didn't want to get too close to anyone. Losing two close friends, watching those around me die, and knowing the war was far from over, made me withdraw and close off. I felt alone in this world. Sarah and Charlotte were dead. Webster was wounded and heading back to England where Darla was. I didn't know about Anne's status. I watched men from my Company - and even the other Companies - get killed before my eyes. Moments like this, change a person forever.
The march to our new location was a quiet one for me. I stared at the ground as I walked, avoiding conversation with anyone who tried. I felt guilty for the way I was behaving towards those around me but after a couple of hours, I hardened myself to the new me and it became easier, slowly.
When we arrived at our new outpost, we learned Winters accepted a promotion taking him away from our Company. Hearing this news solidified my beliefs about not getting close with anyone around me. It felt as though it didn't matter - death, wounds, or promotion - I was losing those I cared about faster than the war would be over.
New spread through the ranks about who was to take over Winters's place as CO: Moose Heyliger. The men seemed to really take to him but I continued to keep my distance. I feared he would end up like the others. I wasn't sure I could handle getting close to him, only to see him leave, too. War was hell when it came to losing those you cared the most about and I was forced to learn this lesson several times over.
Later that afternoon, I sat in the makeshift med station alone. I wrote aimlessly in my notebook to Darla about Charlotte's death, which she knew about already due to Nixon's letter but I felt I owed her that much. As I sat alone, I heard boots entering the silent room and a friendly voice behind me cleared, causing me to lift my head to see who came in.
"What brings you here, Lieutenant Heyliger?" I asked, dropping my gaze to my notebook. Slowly closing it, I stood from my seat.
He remained at a distance, making sure he respected my space. "I came to see how you were faring." He held his helmet in his hands, watching me closely as he fidgeted with the brim of it. I wondered if he was nervous about confronting me.
"I'm okay," I stated quietly.
"The men are a bit concerned about you," he confessed sincerely, "To tell you the truth, I'm a little worried myself."
I turned around to face him, shrugging nonchalantly. "I'm just a little down, that's all. I'll be fine."
He hesitated with his next question but he pushed through. "Is this about Charlotte?" he asked. His head fell slightly as he added, "She was a terrific woman."
I gave him a half-smile, remembering her energy. "Yeah, she was." Truth be told, my feelings went beyond just Charlotte but I didn't have the heart to admit that to him.
