The Secrets You Keep

First Sunday

"Cameron! "Get up, we're going to be late for church!" My mother yells from downstairs.

It's too early in the morning for her to be yelling this loud, but I can't say that it's uncommon in our house. I reach across my nightstand to grab my phone and check the time. It's 8:30 and service starts at 9:30. That's gives me about 25 minutes to get ready and for us to make it to the church on time. I get out of bed, quickly brush my teeth, and hop in the shower then pick out my outfit for service.

As soon as I get out of the shower and try to dry off and pick out my clothes for service, my mother is already in my room telling me what not to wear.

"Don't put on a dress shirt and those men's pants, Cameron." "You wear clothes that are entirely too masculine for you." "Young women are supposed to dress like young women. Don't forget that." She says while pointing her finger at me.

"I'm wearing a dress shirt and these pants, mama." "I don't have the energy nor the time for you to be policing my clothing choices." "I'm a lesbian who wears masculine clothing, you know that already and nothings going to change that."

Before I can even start another sentence, she reaches out and slaps me across the face.

"Don't you ever speak to me like that again!" "After services today you are meeting with the pastor about your lifestyle choices and the attitude that you've been keeping with me and your father lately." She pauses to look up and down at me, and abruptly walks away.

I roll my eyes then finish getting dressed, spraying on some cologne then head downstairs where my mother and father are waiting outside. I absolutely hate going to church, walking in every week to the same side eyes and whispers from the older members about me has been a constant reminder that I'm never going to be fully accepted by the congregation or the church leaders.

I remember the first time I went to church with my parents. I was 4 at the time and I remember watching this charismatic, boisterous, beautiful female preacher named Geneva Mitchell. At the time, I didn't know how much of a big deal she was around town and globally. She is up there with the likes of T.D. Jakes and Joyce Meyer and has written tons of books, gone on speaking tours, and has powerful, wealthy, and political friends all over New Orleans, and just about every major city in the country.

My mother absolutely adores Pastor Mitchell has every book that she has ever written, trying to live like her in almost every way. Personally, I don't see why people are so crazy about this woman but, church folk always fall in love with the pastors with the most money and who give the best sermons; so it doesn't surprise me that the entire congregation loves her.

We finally pull up to the massive building that houses our church, Greater Life Baptist Church, my parents get out the car to greet all of their friends. They have lengthy discussions about what all older middle aged people talk about; family, life, and current events. Service is starting soon, so I make my way inside and try to find a seat in the back of the sanctuary. My parents spot me though, and make me move towards the front row to sit with them.

Then it hits me why they want me on the front row so bad. I just remembered that the sermon is about young people, and how we are often tempted to sin by the the media and entertainment industry. I sigh, rub my forehead and brace myself for the circus that's about to take place. Pastor Mitchell comes out after the choir sings and gives a nearly two hour sermon about how being gay is a unclean way to live and how the media and entertainment industry can confuse teens, temp young adults into homosexuality and alcoholism, and what parents and family can do to help keep them away from dangerous influences. After the service ends, I try to make my way out of the church to catch my breath and get away from my parents.