The Secrets You Keep

A Dark Place

*Trigger Warning- Suicide Attempt*

My phone has been ringing off the hook for the past 10 minutes finally I turn over to my nightstand to see who it is. It's Travis, so I pick up to see why he's calling so late.

"Yo Cam!" I automatically hear the fear and worry in his voice and it makes me sit upright.

"Travis what's wrong?" I ask reaching over to turn on my lights.

"I heard something about Geneva being in the hospital." "Something about her trying to off herself you gotta go see if she's okay!"

"What!" I nearly jump out of my skin and the bed. "Who told you that?"

"I got a call from a friend that goes to her church, apparently one of her friends went to visit the house and found her in the bed upstairs." "She's at Tulane now, do you want me to take you there?" He asks.

"Yeah man, please come get me." I beg.

"Alright I'll be there in 10, meet me downstairs." He says before hanging up.

I rush to find a pair of sweats and my shoes, trying not to cry in the process. Travis pulls up,  and we make our way to the hospital trying to beat traffic in the process. Once he drops me off, I notice Geneva's friend Charlotte sitting in the lobby so, I check in with a nurse at the desk she tells me that they are still working on Geneva and that I have to wait to see her.

"Cameron!" Charlotte calls me over to where she's sitting and I sit down next to her trying to piece this all together, it feels like a bad dream or a scary movie.

"I found her about 2 hours ago, she was telling me about you two and how she broke your heart and didn't want to live without you." Charlotte explains.

"What the hell happened?" I ask trying to catch my breath.

"She cut up her wrist a bit and shallowed a whole bottle of pills." "She had pictures of you surrounding her on the bed, she.... she kept saying she was sorry but tired and asked for you." "Listen, I know that you two had your issues and things didn't work out but she really loves you." "You were all Geneva talked about even when you two separated, we spent two days straight on the phone and cried about how quiet the house was and how much you mean to her." Charlotte looks down at my hands and grabs one to hold softly.

The last stitch that was keeping me together was now fully busted, I sit next to Charlotte sobbing like a lost child. She pats my back and assures me that it wasn't my fault but I can't help but to feel guilty. I never wanted it to turn out like this, I was leaving because I wanted her to find herself and realize the pain I was in but, she felt like I was trying to punish her.

Two hours go by before the doctor comes out to speak to me.

"Are you Cameron Victor?" He asks.

"Yes doctor, can I see her now?" I plead with tears in my eyes.

"I'll take you to her room and let you see her, Geneva is stable but will need to stay here for a while so that we can do some evaluations and get her to speak to a psychiatrist." He says right before we enter the elevator and head to her room on the 5th floor.

Once we get the room, I walk over to Geneva's bedside and she opens her eyes to look at me and small, weak smile slips across her face.

"Cameron you came." She whispers and grabs my hand and tears start to roll down her cheeks.

"Yeah G, are you okay?" I look into her eyes with worry.

"I'm okay baby, I wasn't thinking when I did what I did...I just missed you so much and wanted everything to stop so that you could be happy... I've hurt you so much." She turns away in shame and breaks down even harder.

"Geneva, I don't want you to die." "That wouldn't have made me happy having to bury you, I would have died right with you...I love you please look at me."

She turns to look at me once again, and reaches to grab my face, gently pulling me towards her lips. Our lips don't connect, all she can mutter is that she's so sorry and that she's loves me and won't hurt me again.  I wipe her tears as best I can and we continue to look into each others eyes, just like the first time we said I love you.

A nurse comes into the room and tells me that visiting hours are over, I have to leave the room now. I reassure Geneva and we embrace tightly before I head back downstairs to thank Charlotte, and head back home. My mom texts to ask if everything is okay and I call once I get back to my hotel.

"Hi Ma, I just got back to my room." "Geneva is going to be okay, but the doctors are going to keep her for psych evaluations."

"Oh good." "How are you holding up Cam?" " You've been going through so much lately and you know I'm worried."

"I'll be okay mom, I just need to sort some things out with Geneva and I'm sure everything is going to be fine."

"Cameron, just remember that if you love someone sometimes you have to make hard decisions to stay together." "I know you two will beat this, just make sure that you lead with your head and be kind with your heart."

"I'll keep that in mind mom, listen, I love you but I'm going to get some rest." "We'll talk soon okay?"

I sink deeper into my bed try to gather my thoughts. My world feels like it slowly melting around me, but somehow deep inside I still feel hopeful. Maybe things can get better between Geneva me, I can find the strength to forgive and one day we'll be back together. For now though, I have to make sure she gets some help and that she gets her life in shape as a friend.