The Secrets You Keep

A New Reality

As I allow my body to melt into the backseat, I can't help but think about Cameron and the blossoming feelings I have for her. I quickly snap out of my thoughts when my driver asks me if I need to make anymore stops before heading home. I reply with a simple no then, my mind begins to think of Cameron again. I've put her through so much these last few weeks, and I'm starting to question so much about my ministry and my marriage.

David and I have been married for years but, I haven't been happy ever since we got married. We constantly fight, he's never home because he preaches and has several mistresses spread out across the country, but he often gets jealous when I'm away preaching. Honestly, I've been attracted to women ever since I could remember. The first time I ever fell in love with a woman I was 17, she was my homeroom teacher, Ms. Daniels. I used to sit at home after school, thinking of her for hours and when I saw her on Sundays at church, I always tried to sit near her to smell her perfume and listen to her sing in the choir. It was my mother and grandmother who found out my secret one day while going through my room, they found my diary and all the entries I wrote about her.

They burned my diary, went to the school and made the principal put me in a different homeroom and I never got the chance to sit near her at church again. When I turned 20, my mother introduced me to David and his family. My parents and his parents put us together, and we got married on my 21st birthday. The simple fact is that I never wanted to marry David, in fact, the night we got married I cried so much that he didn't even want to touch me or ask for sex. But, over the years I've gotten used to being his wife and running the church together because I've wanted to please my parents.

Cameron is everything I wish I was when I was her age. She's brave, smart, and has a beautiful soul behind all of the sadness and anger that comes with having the parents she has. I wish I could have saved her from all this the first time we met but, I knew that she would hate me at first because of her parents forcing her to see me. I should have never accepted her parents propositions but I always made it a goal of mine to never turn away from my members, however after seeing how unhappy and upset Cameron was, I had to give her parents their money back and decline any more sessions with her without her permission.

The driver slowly pulls into my private parking space and opens the door for me to get out. I take his hand and slide out of the car with ease and we begin to walk towards the elevator and head up to my condo. I take a glance at my phone and see that Cameron called me. Once we reach the my floor, I thank my driver and make my way into my condo to call Cameron back.

After a few rings, Cameron answers and my heart begins to flutter and slightly tighten.

"Hey Geneva, I was just trying to make sure you made it home safely." Cameron says.

"I just got in, thanks for checking up on me."

"I also called to let you know that I thought about your offer, and... I wanna go out and really see what the real Geneva Mitchell is about." Cameron says while chuckling a bit.

"Really?" "I thought you would've taken a few days to think about it." "I'm so glad you said yes though, I would have been very sad if you'd said no."

"Well to be honest, now that I'm away from my parents I'm relaxing more and I'm not so uptight like when we first met." "Plus, I really just want to show I'm not the asshole I was when we first met, I can be really nice when I'm not being pressured or annoyed." Cameron says.

"You weren't being an asshole Cameron." "They completely disregarded your boundaries,  and I took part in it too." "I'm so glad you got out of there, Cameron." "I'm sorry for putting you through so much embarrassment." I begin to apologize profusely.

"You don't have to keep apologizing Geneva." "I understand why you did it and I know you were just trying to do what you thought was right as a pastor." Cameron reassures.

"Cameron, do you need anything?" "I want to help you in any way I can."

"Nah, I'm gonna be alright." "Travis is letting me stay at his place for awhile until I can get a place of my own." She says.

"You know, I have another condo not too far from my main one that's not being used." "It's yours if you ever want it."

"Thanks Geneva, I'll keep that in mind." "Listen, I know you've been busy all day and your probably tired so, I'll get off the phone and let you get some rest." Cameron says.

"No, please, let's keeping talking." "You're voice is just what I need to hear tonight."

Cameron laughs a bit, then we spend the next 5 hours on the phone. We've talked about so much and I managed to learn more about her than any short counseling session could ever allow for. We have laughed, shared our dreams and goals, and slowly healed each other just from talking.

It's almost 3am and Cameron is getting tired so we decide to end our call so that she can get some sleep. Since David is out of town for work, I'm going to take a nice hot bath and have a glass of wine. It would be amazing if Cameron was here with me, she has the best energy when she's not being bothered or pressured by people, and she actually listens to my ramblings about life and the church.

Whenever I want to talk to David, he's so focused on everything else but me and it gets so frustrating but, Cameron is showing me different and now I'm questioning my entire situation. I appreciate David for his genius but, I haven't been attracted to him ever and the only time he wants to have sex is when I don't want to which is always.

I lay there every time though, trying to be the best wife I can be and yet somehow, I always drift off into a daze and think about having my desires fulfilled by a sexy, smart, and bold woman. I've found all of those things in Cameron every time that we've talked and now I'm craving the chance to learn and do so much with her.