Catch You

17| Explanations

I made too many mistakes, better get this right

-Ariana Grande

Amelia

He asked me to take him to his apartment. He didn't want to face his parents when he was like this, and Tobias was out of town. So I took him there. When we reached, I'd got out of the car behind him and followed him inside, saying that I wasn't going to leave him when he was in that condition.

But that wasn't the only reason. I'd tried gathering all my strength on the drive, tried to frame sentences in my head on how I was going to tell him everything. He needed to know why I was the way I was, and if after listening to my shitty past, he still wanted to be with me, I would never let go.

So currently I was rummaging through his drawers to find a first aid kit. His knuckles were raw, reddish white, and I wasn't going to sit back and see him in pain. I internally beamed when I found it, and I went over to his room. He was sitting on the bed, looking at the wall, his eyes looking dazed.

When he heard me come in and looked down at my hands, he sighed. "That really isn't necessary."

"Well I'm doing it whether you like it or not."

Theo rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. He shifted his legs apart as I stood in between them and brought his wrists up. He hissed when I accidentally brushed my fingers against his sensitive flesh. I applied an ointment on them, making sure to keep my touch very gentle and soft. I looked down at him to find his eyes already on me. His hands were warm, like always. He was always warm. I looked down as I bandaged his knuckles.

"There, all done." I whispered. His wrapped up knuckles made it look like he was about to box, giving him more of the dangerous aura. 

"Thank you." The whisper made his voice deeper and huskier, making me shiver. I sat down next to him, neither of us saying anything. He looked down at his hands, blinking, then shaking his head and looking at the wall.

"Theo?" I said after a while.

"Mm?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

I took a deep breath. "For letting you go. For making you believe I didn't want you. For letting you think I was lying and faking it this whole time when that really wasn't true."

He didn't say anything, so I took that as a sign to continue.

"All my life, I've had people leave me. No one ever sticks around. No one but Bridget. She was the only one who had been there for me when I was at my lowest. People who I never expected to leave me went away. I don't know how to trust people, Theo. I've always been cautious of who I let inside, because I'm just giving them an opportunity to hurt me."

"I would never hurt you." He whispered.

"That's what everyone says, but they still do. I always thought you would leave too. I was waiting for you to realize I was fucked up and leave, like everyone. But you didn't."

"I didn't want to." He said. "I didn't give a fuck that you were fucked up, Mia. I had never wanted a perfect relationship out of you where we're both in this wonderland and happy. I wanted you to have your ups and downs because I wanted to be there for you each step. I wanted to know why you were always so fucking scared. I wanted to break your walls and show you that you didn't need to have them with me." His voice broke off at the end, and that clenched my heart.

I took a few deep breaths, feeling my heart pound in my chest at the thought of doing this. No one except Bridget knew, and now I was telling Theo. I was doing this, I would not back out now.