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"MYUNGHO! jun- jun- he—"
i didn't listen to what soonyoung had to say. i ran over to seungcheol's office and, without knocking, opened his door, "what is wrong with jun?"
seungcheol looked up from his paperwork and sighed, "he, um, he's getting worse day by day. he threw up last night and was feeling really, really tired the entire day today despite sleeping most of the day yesterday."
i looked at him, tears stinging my eyes. i know what he's trying to say, but i don't want to believe it.
"we're losing him, aren't we?" i muttered, eyes falling down to my shoes and felt the tears slipping out the comforts of my eyes and onto my shoes and the floor. soon, a little spot of tears formed on my timberlands.
seungcheol sighed again, "i'm sorry. i'm not going to lie to you and tell him he's going to pull through because it'll only hurt you more in the end. so, yes, we're losing him."
i looked back up at seungcheol and saw that he was smiling in pity. fucking pity, why is he pitying me? the last thing i ever need is pitying from someone else, especially from someone like seungcheol. i'm not saying he's a bad person, just... seungcheol, you know?
"can i see him?" i said, but cleared my throat and repeated myself when i realised how tight my throat was and how quiet my voice was. seungcheol nodded and told me where jun was. i did not hesitate to run out of seungcheol's room and to the icu.
jun was in one of the special solo rooms, which indicates how serious his situation was. i was buzzed with worry, not knowing what to say to jun when i see him. should i apologise for buying so much for him yesterday? should i tell him i love him with all my heart and might? what do i do?
i knocked twice on the door and a faint 'come in' sounded from the other side. i slowly opened the door and when jun saw me, his face lit up. seeing jun's smile made me forget all my worries and i let a soft smile replace my frown.
"hey, there," i said and sat on the chair next to jun's bed. jun smiled at me. i could tell the fatigue he was feeling was definitely killing him from the inside out. "how are you feeling?"
"like i'm going to die." replied jun, and i frowned. i took hold of his hand resting on the bed, "don't say that, junnie."
jun looked over at me and i saw that his beautiful smile dropped, a single drop of tear gliding gracefully down his cheek, "i don't want to let you down. i don't want to leave you, hao. i don't want to die. i don't want to—"
i guided his head to my chest as he cried out loud, staining my t-shirt. i didn't mind, of course, since the love of my life was literally brawling his eyes out now. i patted his head and drew patterns on his back with my other hand. my hand that was patting his head stopped after a while and instead, i played with his soft, brown hair with my fingers, letting the softness flow through my fingers.
the sobbing stopped after a few minutes and i let myself relax, no longer tense from how scared and worried i was because of jun. jun pulled away from my chest and wiped his nose with a tissue i handed to him. i smiled at him, "feeling better?"
jun nodded and smiled back at me, "yup. thanks, hao. but i still don't wanna—"
"shh, i know." i smiled and felt tears stinging my eyes again, "but you can't do anything about it. i can't do anything about it."
i held his hands and kissed his knuckles, and then his fingers, and then his cheeks, his eyelids, his forehead and then, finally, his lips. it was a lingering, sweet kiss. i felt jun smiling against my lips and i tasted salty tears. i placed my hands on jun's cheeks and wiped them away, not wanting jun to feel sad about this.
we pulled away about a minute later, oxygen being our main priority now. i rested my forehead on his and panted, smiling as i stared into jun's eyes. i quickly placed a peck on his lips, making jun giggle.
"i love you, jun. i love you so, so, so much. and i'm not ready to lose you, either. heck, i just fell in love with you. but i want you to know that i'll never, ever forget you. you're the best thing that ever happened to me. i will never allow myself to forget you. i love you, wen junhui, i love you so much and with my entire life."
jun looked at me and a small grin appeared on his face, "you meant all that?"
i nodded, drawing little circles on jun's cheeks with my thumbs, "every single word of it."
jun chuckled and let out a long breath, "i love you a lot as well, hao. i love you so, so much. but-but i'm scared. what is going to happen when i" — gulp — "die? hao, what is going to happen... to me?"
i shook my head, "i don't know. no one knows, jun. but it's just like going to sleep, except you don't have to go through the stage of trying to go to sleep. and when you wake up, you'll be at a much better place."
"but i don't want to wake up knowing i won't see you soon." said jun. i felt my heart break and shatter into a million pieces. this boy has such a great way with his words.
"you'll see me there soon, junnie. i promise you."
