Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust; Sequel to Love is Weakness (Carlos De Vil) series

I Am the Monster

Finally, Chad was gone, and they could concentrate on saving Ben. Jay eventually went out for food, and Raven and Carlos were left in the dorm with Dude.

"So, you never answered me about Dude. How can he talk?" She asked.

"I'll tell you later." Mumbled Carlos, hoping she would drop the subject.

"We have time now." She pressed, impatiently.

Raven was getting tired of her boyfriend keeping things from her.

"I... I asked Mal to give me a potion that would help me say whatever I really meant; what I really wanted to say." Explained Carlos, feeling exposed.

"You were messing with magic? Why would you need to do that?" Demanded Raven.

"He wanted to ask you to Cotillion, he was scared, but I ate the potion gummy." Dude blurted out. "It was nasty!"

"What?" She exclaimed, incredulously.

"Again! Thanks, Dude!" Carlos snapped, sarcastically.

Raven was confused and a little hurt-- that he felt that he couldn't talk to her without magical help.

"How could you be afraid to tell me?" Asked Raven. "I mean, it's me. It's just me."

"Because, I love you so much. I'm not the "take what you want" kind of guy anymore. I don't think I ever was. When you care, people can hurt you. I didn't want you to reject me, and I also didn't want you to be upset if I didn't ask." Explained Carlos, sheepishly.

"Sweetheart... it's just a dance... why are you so worried about this?" Raven cooed, softly.

"After what I did to you at the Coronation..." Argued Carlos, trailing off.

"Carlos, you saved my life." Countered Raven, putting her hands up to his face.

"It shouldn't have needed saving. If I wasn't so worried about making my mother proud of me and holding onto the stupid plan to take over Auradon, I could've asked you to the Coronation like you deserved. You wouldn't have needed Doug to take you, and you wouldn't have been in danger." Carlos expressed with tears behind his eyes, clearly having held on to his guilt for a long time, "I know deep down that I don't deserve to go with you. I can't expect that, after everything I did."

Carlos then moved her hands gently off of his face, and looked down and away from her, "There's something I never told you."

Raven lowered her eyebrows in confusion, and looked to Carlos expectantly.

Carlos began, carefully, "When you were weakened by the shift in magic, I almost... "

"Almost what? It's okay. Go on, Carlos," Raven encouraged.

"I almost made a terrible choice." He admitted, vaguely.

"What choice? What were you going to do?" She plead, looking directly into his chocolate brown eyes.

"I was going to continue the mission. But first, I was going to hide you. And, when the villains took over Auradon-- I was going to run away, and take you with me." He admitted, feeling sick to his stomach.

"You were going to... abduct me? You were going to take away my choice?" Raven questioned, with poison in her voice, "Even though, I told you I wouldn't follow that path?"

"I was so scared! Desperate. I was weak. I was too afraid to fight the evil, and I was too afraid to give in to the good. I couldn't choose. And, I was mostly petrified that I'd lose you." Carlos expressed.

"Carlos... " She started, with tears falling.

"I've never said it out loud before. I thought I could just forget about it. It scares the shit out me, though. How close I was...and, I sometimes wonder what would have happened." Carlos continued his confession.