Tender (A britpop era fiction)

What Difference Does It Make

"There are many interviews from 1996 where Damon and you are asked how you fell for each other. What I found interesting is that you never decided to give an interview together."

"As you might've realized in the last few weeks, giving interviews has the tendency to make our life more complicated than neccessary." I fake a weak smile. "No, Damon and I had a very clear formula from the beginning of our relationship that holds steady to this day, regarding our work: Opinion, yes. Exchange, yes. Interference, no. That's why every rumour that I'll ever help to produce a Gorillaz album is bollocks. And that's why we won't do interviews together."

"Never?"

"Never. Why should we though? He can speak for himself and I'm able to speak for myself. Press has tried to make us one thing in the public eye, taking us down the road they've chased other couples, but I'll refuse to take that as far as I have control over it. And Damon's the same."

"Well, I think the interviews both of you gave in the past are very interesting to look at."

"You do? Why that?" I was high while giving most of them and can't remember that much. So I'm honestly interested.

"Because despite the whole public chaos with the Blur vs. Oasis war and some of the interviewers really pushing, you speak very fondly of each other."

"As long as we were together. The way I talked about him after was fuckin' vile." 

"I think this interview particularly stands out."

He hands me the tablet. I look down at the frozen picture of the video and can't help but laugh quietly. It's Damon, 1996's Damon. He wears his signature blue and white Kappa jacket, the one I loved to knick from him and his blonde fringe is hanging loosely in his forehead. He has leaned forward a bit and rubs his chin in an absent-minded gesture. Sometimes I forget how outrageously handsome he was back then and a picture like this just takes me aback. 

Curious, I start the video.

Damon looks down and back at the interviewer again under his thick eye lashes, an innocent, peaceful smile on his face. He looks a bit tired, like he did sometimes, when the endless circle of concerts, interviews, recordings, TV appearances, signings and travelling around the world got the better of him. The hint of exhaustion sitting in the small line between his eyes when he looked at something in wonder. The way his hands clenched together when he tried to explain something, his words slurring. Him resting his head in his hand, telling me how hard it was for him at that moment to listen to me, but still trying to be there, to be present. And me at one moment just going silent, pulling him closer to me and let him rest his head on my chest. Staying as still as I was able to I would listen to his breaths becoming deeper and would examine every inch of his face while he fell asleep. 

But this Damon, though tired, is very awake and looks up to the interviewer as he asks his first question.

"So, your lastest single, Charmless Man, has reached the top 5 yet again, congratulations. "

"Thanks" Damon mumbles and looks down.

"How is it like, performing these days on tour?"

"It's brilliant. Touring's always been brilliant. It's fun to go to the TV shows and all that, but the main thing we do as a band is playing concerts. There's nothing that comes even close to the feeling of being that intimate with your fans, while performing I mean." A short break, Damon leans down to fumble around with something out of cameras sight. 

"Is it hard for you being away from home? Being away from your girlfriend?"

"Not really. Haven't done anything else since I was 21 years old." Damon hesitates. "But I do miss my girlfriend."