For You Only [MOONSUN]

33

  Yongsun POV

  We finish lunch in about 20 minutes. I can say I barely survived, to be honest. The two girls together are a weird mix for me.

  It was one of those afternoons where I finally had a break, when I met Sodam at the cafe. She seemed really sweet. We both clicked that day and had so much to talk about, it felt like a lifetime wasn't enough. She kept me company when I felt really lonely, with all the schedules and Byul or the other girls not being around me. Also, it felt good to actually meet someone for the first time, rather than always hanging out with the same people.

  It was an innocent meeting, I saw her as my friend and someone I would count on in the future, but I rapidly figured out she wanted something more. She told me one night, when she came over to my place, that she had this major crush on me. It seemed serious, the way she said it. I was with Byul, and I liked her a lot. I mean, I still do... But Sodam was around more often, she was there for me and even though I told her I didn't feel the same way, I didn't mention me and Byul during our conversation. It felt right to me. Maybe Sodam is the right one? Maybe I've been searching in the wrong place all this time...

  We get up from the table and I make my way to the kitchen, bringing the dishes to wash. Both Byul and Sodam help cleaning the table, even though they don't dare to talk to each other. Will they ever be able to be friends? Or at least to stand each other's presence?

  “It’s okay, I'll bring that.” I hear Byul’s voice in the dining room, and she comes with the last plates, putting them next to the others. I start washing the dishes and she stands near me, watching.

  “Yongsun?” She calls, in a low voice.

  “Hm?” I glance at her and she's looking at her feet, avoiding looking up.

  “Do you know Sodam has a crush on you?” She asks.

  “Yes, Byulie. She told me a few days ago. Why the sudden question?” I look away and get back to washing the dishes.

  “You like her back.” She says, firmly. “You look at her the same way I look at you. You like her, Yongsun.”

  I stop what I'm doing for a moment, dry my hands and look at her.

  “What?” I acquire a confused expression. “I don't like her, Moonbyul. I barely even know her.”

  “You are craving attention. You left me because I couldn't give you enough attention so you're seeking for someone who can. That's how our brains work, did you not know? You're not in love with her, but your brain is tricking you into thinking you are.” She sighs in between of sentences, and ends up with a much louder sigh, crossing her arms.

  “What the fuck do you even mean? Are you high?” My voice gets louder and louder, rage filling up the tension in the room. “Do you hear your own fucking words? You're telling me I'm using someone to replace you just because you can't accept you weren't good enough for me. You're disgusting, Moonbyul.”

  My eyes get full of tears. I'm offended, I feel sick and disrespected. She knew I'd never use people in my life, she knew I wasn't that kind of person. So why was she saying all those things? Why was she humiliating and hurting me, all at the same time?

“Leave.” I say. “Until I'm no longer hurt, you don't get to talk to me about things other than group stuff. So leave my house, Moonbyul.”

  She stands still for a while, not sure if trying to annoy and defy me or if she really doesn't know what to do. Eventually, she simply nods and leaves, this time letting the door close violently. Sodam comes back from the living room.

  “Sorry, I wasn't even overhearing. You were just too loud.” She hugs me tightly. “Do you need to vent?”

  I nod, and let myself rest in her arms. The comfort of someone who is available to listen to me makes them twice more attractive.

  We sit down at the couch, and I finally tell her about me and Byul, how it started, how it ended... Everything. I tell her about the accident, about the hospital visits, the little hand-miracle. I tell it all and she watches, nodding and agreeing once in a while.

  “...And yeah, that's pretty much it.” I end it, after about 30 minutes of me speaking nonsense. “You can talk now.”

  We stay silent for about a minute. She just looks at me, then looks away when our eyes meet, then goes back to looking at me and it's a never-ending cycle. Then, she leans forward and kisses my lips. My first instinct is to pull away, but her lips feel soft and I miss kissing someone. I miss the feeling of being wanted this much.

  The kiss isn't even soft, as Sodam went for it pretty roughly. Our tongues meet and our hands wander, hers sometimes on my waist, other times on my neck. As she starts to take off my shirt, I stop her. Pulling away from the kiss, I look at her. Her eyes are full of lust, I know she would go for the full pack right now. But I'm just not ready yet.

  “Did I do something wrong?” She asks, caressing my cheek.

  “N-no, Sodam. Not at all. I'm just... not ready, I guess. It's all very recent, I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression.” I kiss her cheek and get up from the couch. I'm embarassed.

  “Maybe we should record for Solarsido another day?” She suggests. “I have a day-off next week, if you're available.”

  I nod, actually glad she's going. She's a great company, but right now there's a lot I have to process on my own.

  Sodam kisses my forehead and leaves, smiling. I smile back and wave her goodbye. As soon as the door closes, there's this really awful silence I used to love. Oh, I used to enjoy my moments with people, but would enjoy even more when they'd leave and the house would get quiet again. It felt like Paradise, but now it feels like Hell itself.

  My hands start shaking and I lay on the ground, my back against the cold floor, sighing. I feel hurt at the words Moonbyul said today, and I hurt Sodam by avoiding what could've been a great moment with her. So everyone ended up hurt somehow. And it's all my fault.