Universal Constant | LISOO

CHAPTER 10

         

LISA'S POV

              It's been so long since the first thing I feel when I wake up is an onslaught of pain, but here it is again, familiarly unsought. All because of the same girl, but all because of entirely different reasons.

I hurt her, which only makes it all worse.

It hurts how defeated and crestfallen she looked, but nodded and said she understands when I turned her heart down; how she dejectedly went to sleep on the couch and I couldn't tell her to stay; how our king-sized bed has never felt so big without her; and how I couldn't cocoon her in my embrace as I hear her stifled sobs outside, because I am the reason for those.

I didn't lie when I said I'm doing okay now— maybe not in every sense of the word for everybody else, but as fine as I can achieve.

Because I will never not love Jisoo. I know that now.

Somewhere along the way, I've realized that the love I have for her is like a volcano— not extinct, never inactive, but dormant at best. Once I've accepted that, it was... not easy, oh God not easy, but manageable to tamp it down from alert number five to zero.

It was the hardest thing I had to do, but little by little, level by level, I've succeeded to tame and conceal the magma that has always been persistent and insistent in rising and spewing all over the place. Until, there was no more volcanic unrest.

The love is still there like it will always, always be, but just not in the same degree. Now, it's not as wild as it was before, but calm and collected— calm enough that it doesn't hurt anymore; collected enough that my heart doesn't go haywire at the mere sight of her.

It brought me so much peace.

That peace, however, is unexpectedly short-lived because Jisoo said she loves me in a way I never thought she ever would. Never in a billion years would I have guessed why she's been acting strangely lately is because of that reason. I will never have had... come to think that.

In fact, I don't think I've soaked it all in because I was engulfed with fear upon her confession. Now that I've slept on it and sobered up and calmed down, I realize not all of me believes it.

She's in love with me? Jisoo? Just when and how did that happen?

"When and how what happened?"

My eyes snap open when I realize I voiced my thoughts out loud.

I have kept my breathing steady since I was awoken by Jisoo entering the room. I couldn't even open my eyes to see what she's doing for the fear of her catching me awake, but from the lavender scent wafting in the room, I figured she just got out of the shower.

Minutes have passed since she came in and I was sure she's done dressing up, but she stayed. And I could feel her in front of me, just lingering and watching as I continued to pretend I'm asleep.