Universal Constant | LISOO

CHAPTER 11

JISOO'S POV

When we are lost in the raging storm of emotional seas, we all try to find a steady lighthouse to guide our way, desperately looking for just a tiny flicker of light to show itself in the total darkness that prevails in the stricken, clouded skies.

Mine came in the middle of the night while I was drowning in the undulating waves and salty tears of loss and regret for losing the best thing that I could have had.

The tiny flicker of light showed in the memory of Lisa's face enveloped with vulnerability and fear. It was the face of someone who had suffered before and didn't know if she could do it again. And, it serves to remind me that she only turned me down because she's terrified, and not because the love isn't there anymore.

Lisa loves me, still.

And that love, though walled in by some serious shit of emotional struggle, is my lighthouse.

Lisa loves me, still.

That, I know much because when she kissed me, the shell she's built over time cracked and I had a glimpse of what is shackled and trapped beneath. When she sealed it back again, I'm left wanting to see the entirety of what's hidden there. It's like the first time you watch the trailer for a movie you've been waiting for and it's everything you've ever wanted and you just know that the whole movie is going to be beautiful and you're just dying to see it.

Lisa loves me, still.

So, I haven't lost all hope yet.

When you find something good, you hold onto it, so I'm holding on to her. As long as I know she loves me, for as long as she still does, I won't give up on her. I just need her to see that though she's afraid, I am and we are worth giving a shot. And, thinking of how I'll do that was what kept me awake for the rest of the night.

So, when Lisa talked to me this morning like I wished she would, I grabbed the chance. And, I think I played my cards right and came so so so close if not for Mrs. Choi's terrible, horrible timing.

If I managed to coax Lisa out of her cocoon, it doesn't matter because she obviously just crawled back into it again, and maybe even further. I came on too strong and she freaked out on me.

God, what do I do now?

I bury my face in my palms. I don't want to overthink things, but she literally couldn't even look at me that I had no choice, but to leave her alone. (It's true that I was gonna be late for my meeting. But all of my meetings are done, and I still can't go back to the apartment, opting to stay in a café instead.)

For the past three hours or so, with gallons of coffee running in my system, I've been pondering if I should go to our dinner scheduled for tonight or not. Lisa wanted to hang out with me and Rosie after the film production was over, but now that I fucked things up and left things awkward between us, I don't know if she still wants me there. And I don't want to ask her or text her for that matter, because I've already done a lot of pushing today.